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  1. #1
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    Default this is my first time on this wedsite and wondering if you can help me with my senten

    I looked at this art and I feel that you must not allow to talke about Myra Hindely unless you are one of those serious talking head types on some TV. Perhaps it was that people already had a visceral reaction to Hindley and this painting, very visceral itself.
    Using a chid hands print to recreated Myra Hindely portaint was a great idea and it also give a HELL of a shock to peole. Marcus Harvey must have been pleased that something he had created had such a powerful effect on people; I think it is just a shame that the piece wasnít recognised for the brilliance that it represented. It may be one of those pieces that is rediscovered later and undergoes a renaissance ó it may not.
    I think is a disgraceful to use Myra image in Olympics video, went itís suuport to be a piece of "art" to remenber that sadest incidenced the victims families had to go through, not to celebrate they emotion of their loved one and used it to get a attention.

  2. #2
    Ann1977 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: this is my first time on this wedsite and wondering if you can help me with my se

    Dear Student:

    This is not a distinguished effort. It's sloppy in execution, and gives the impression that you dashed it off without much work and with no planning. At least use Spellcheck before posting things here.

    It is also important that you bring down the tone a notch. Sometimes students hope to pump in some interest by adding artificial emotional color -- like a soap opera's overly-dramatic musical score. But an essay always does better with a mild and objective tone.


    Because so much of what you say is self-contradictory, and so little of what you say is related to anything else, it is impossible to deduce what your thesis is. It sounds like the title should be:
    Six Random Thoughts About This Portrait, Carelessly Set Down in Random Order


    BBC NEWS | UK | 2012 Hindley image use condemned

    I looked at this art and I feel that you must not
    allow to talke about Myra Hindely unless you are one of those serious talking head types on some TV.
    > comma after "art"
    > "think" not "feel." Don't use "feel" for cerebration.
    > "should not talk" not "must not allow"
    > "Hindley" is spelled wrong
    > delete "serious" -- or use a better word
    > hyphenate "talking-head types"
    > but delete "types" anyway, leaving "talking heads"
    > on some TV program -or- on TV
    I looked at this art, and I think you shouldn't talk about Myra Hindley unless you are one of those talking heads pontificating on TV.
    (NOTE: I'm not sure that this is your intended meaning. If it is, delete this passage.)

    Perhaps it was that people already had a visceral reaction to Hindley and this painting, very visceral itself.
    > perhaps WHAT was?
    > I'm not sure that a painting can be "viceral"
    > I think you should delete this unless you can draw out your intended meaning a little more

    Using a chid hands print to recreated Myra Hindely portaint was a great idea and it also give a HELL of a shock to peole.
    > a child's hand print
    > to create, not to recreate (and not recreateD anyway)
    > use the possessive for Hindley's
    > portrait is spelled wrong
    > don't let the sentence dribble off with such a weak ending ..."to people"
    > people is spelled wrong
    Using a child's hand print to create a portrait of Myra Hindley was a great idea -- and a shocking one.

    Marcus Harvey must have been pleased that something he had created had such a powerful effect on people;
    > These two sentences are not close enough to justify uniting them with a semicolon
    > There's no point in the perfect tense here
    > delete useless words -- in this case, "on people"
    Marcus Harvey must be pleased that something he created made such a powerful effect.

    I think it is just a shame that the piece wasnít recognised for the brilliance that it represented.
    > Make your tone objective and neutral
    > In fact, the artwork was well received by the critics
    > recognized is spelled wrong

    I think the piece is misunderstood by the general public.

    It may be one of those pieces that is rediscovered later and undergoes a renaissance ó it may not.

    > delete

    I think is a disgraceful to use Myra image in Olympics video, went itís suuport to be a piece of "art" to remenber that sadest incidenced the victims families had to go through, not to celebrate they emotion of their loved one and used it to get a attention.
    > that is not the purpose of the art
    > that was not the purpose of including it in the video
    > Take your tone down a notch
    The fleeting glimpse of the portrait in a video produced by a tourism promotion bureau intended to promote London has been widely condemned. I agree that it was a misguided decision.
    Last edited by Ann1977; 11-Oct-2009 at 23:03.

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