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  1. #1
    san2612 is offline Member
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    Default teenagers working

    Topic: In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.


    In the modern society, it is very common to see teenagers working everywhere in the city. Whatever part time jobs they are doing, they are preparing for their future. School may be the best place for proper education but not for preparation for the outside working world. Indeed, teenagers learn a lot of things through the jobs they do when still being students.

    To start with, teenagers learn how to arrange their time. For example, an employee needs to work at 7.00 in the early morning. This means, he has to present at the company by 7.00 no matter how late he stayed up last night. Moreover, as a student, he has to take use of his time and spend it properly on both studying and working. He avoids bad habits such as going out late at night and get up late in the morning

    Another point is that teenagers will appreciate the value of money. They work hard and realize how difficult to make money. They also understand that “Money does not grow on trees”. Before buying an expensive clothes or shoes, they remember their parents’ hard work and think more carefully whether they should buy those or not.

    But the most benefit to teenagers working is that they get some useful experiences which they cannot learn at school. For example, after leaving university, Bill Gates worked outsides and gained valuable experience on what does and doesn't work. From the time starting his career in a garage, he now becomes the most successful man with the modern development of computer technology.

    Although teenagers have responsibility to concentrate on their academic studies, part-time jobs are also important for their future work. Personally, I think teenagers should be allowed to do some part-time jobs to adapt to the working environment and get lessons from real life.
    ----------
    Thanks a lot for your consideration!
    Last edited by san2612; 12-Oct-2009 at 16:47.

  2. #2
    konungursvia's Avatar
    konungursvia is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: teenagers working

    Good work! I'd say "manage their time" rather than arrange, which is too concrete.

  3. #3
    penhu is offline Newbie
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    Talking Re: teenagers working

    i think that teenagers should have several part-time jobs before they graduate to get real experience .moreover,they can earn money for tuition

  4. #4
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: teenagers working

    Quote Originally Posted by san2612 View Post
    Topic: In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.


    In the modern society, it is very common to see teenagers working everywhere in the city. Whatever part time jobs they are doing, they are preparing for their future. School may be the best place for proper education but not for preparation for the outside working world. Indeed, teenagers learn a lot of things through the jobs they do when still being while they are still students.

    To start with, teenagers must learn how to arrange their time. For example, an employee needs to work at 7.00 in the early morning. This means he has to present at the company by 7.00 no matter how late he stayed up last night. Moreover, as a student, he has to make good use of his time and spend it properly on both studying and working. He avoids bad habits such as going out late at night and getting up late in the morning [Parallelism: going out / getting up]

    Another point is that teenagers will appreciate the value of money. They work hard and realize how difficult it is to make money. They also understand that “Money does not grow on trees”. Before buying an expensive clothes or shoes, they remember their parents’ hard work and think more carefully whether they should buy them or not.

    But the of most benefit to teenagers working is that they get some useful experiences which they cannot learn at school. For example, after leaving university, Bill Gates worked outsides and gained valuable experience on what does and doesn't work. Since the time he started his career in a garage, he has now become the most successful man, with the modern development of computer technology. [Needs rewriting]

    Although teenagers have responsibility to concentrate on their academic studies, part-time jobs are also important for their future work. Personally, I think teenagers should be allowed to do some part-time jobs to adapt to the working environment and get lessons from real life.
    ----------
    Thanks a lot for your consideration!
    R.

  5. #5
    Ann1977 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: teenagers working

    Quote Originally Posted by san2612 View Post
    Topic:
    In som
    e countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.



    In the modern society, it is very common to see teenagers working everywhere in the city. Whatever part time jobs they are doing, they are preparing for their future. School may be the best place for proper education but not for preparation for the outside working world. Indeed, teenagers learn a lot of things through the jobs they do when still being students.

    To start with, teenagers learn how to arrange their time. For example, an employee needs to work at 7.00 in the early morning. This means, he has to present at the company by 7.00 no matter how late he stayed up last night. Moreover, as a student, he has to take use of his time and spend it properly on both studying and working. He avoids bad habits such as going out late at night and get up late in the morning

    Another point is that teenagers will appreciate the value of money. They work hard and realize how difficult to make money. They also understand that “Money does not grow on trees”. Before buying an expensive clothes or shoes, they remember their parents’ hard work and think more carefully whether they should buy those or not.

    But the most benefit to teenagers working is that they get some useful experiences which they cannot learn at school. For example, after leaving university, Bill Gates worked outsides and gained valuable experience on what does and doesn't work. From the time starting his career in a garage, he now becomes the most successful man with the modern development of computer technology.

    Although teenagers have responsibility to concentrate on their academic studies, part-time jobs are also important for their future work. Personally, I think teenagers should be allowed to do some part-time jobs to adapt to the working environment and get lessons from real life.
    ----------
    Thanks a lot for your consideration!

    The problem with this essay is that it is way too "light-weight." It has nothing to say about the topic, and the student was not creative in finding something to say.

    1) Because of this absence of real content, the student says the same thing over and over. Otherwise, the essay would be done in three sentences.
    Another point is that teenagers will appreciate the value of money.
    First time making this point
    They work hard and realize how difficult to make money.
    Here is the same point
    They also understand that “Money does not grow on trees”.
    Here's the same point for the third time
    Before buying an expensive clothes or shoes, they remember their parents’ hard work and think more carefully whether they should buy those or not.

    And here it is for a fourth appearance

    2) I think it was interesting that the student never mentioned the REAL reason that teenagers work: They want the money.
    It took me 4 Google searches to find this statistic:
    "One marketing study suggests that in 1999 teens spent $105 billion of their own money"
    Teenagers: Employment and Contributions to Family Spending

    3) Rather than the unguided and wandering introduction, the opening of this essay is crying out for something better than
    "In the modern society, it is very common to see teenagers working everywhere in the city."
    The student would have done better to do even a trivial amount of work to find this (which I found with ONE google search):

    • 70-80 percent of teens have worked for pay at some time during their high school years.[i]
    • Fifty percent of employed youth work more than 15 hours during a school week. One in six work more than 25 hours during a school week.[ii]

    American Working Teens: A Fact Sheet

    4) This site was also useful because it gave me a suggestion as a way to fix the problem of having nothing to say.
    - The essay can be given more substance if the case against work for teenagers can be balanced against the reasons for it.

    I suggest that the student create an outline like this:

    I. Intro: Observations about the extent of teen employment
    American Working Teens: A Fact Sheet

    II. Acknowledgment that it has drawbacks
    American Working Teens: A Fact Sheet

    III. But teens earn a lot of money
    "Employed teenagers had average annual earnings of $2270" (See NOTE)
    "One marketing study suggests that in 1999 teens spent $105 billion of their own money"
    Teenagers: Employment and Contributions to Family Spending

    IV. And teens may benefit in less tangible ways from work
    - collapse the original essay into a paragraph



    (NOTE: The citation is in the Google headline, but the web page didn't print out enough to show up. The Google hit with this statistic is here at the bottom of the page
    earnings by teenagers - Google Search

  6. #6
    san2612 is offline Member
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    Default Re: teenagers working

    Quote Originally Posted by Ann1977 View Post

    4) This site was also useful because it gave me a suggestion as a way to fix the problem of having nothing to say.
    - The essay can be given more substance if the case against work for teenagers can be balanced against the reasons for it.

    I suggest that the student create an outline like this:

    I. Intro: Observations about the extent of teen employment
    American Working Teens: A Fact Sheet

    II. Acknowledgment that it has drawbacks
    American Working Teens: A Fact Sheet

    III. But teens earn a lot of money
    [i]"Employed teenagers had average annual earnings of $2270" (See NOTE)
    "One marketing study suggests that in 1999 teens spent $105 billion of their own money"
    Teenagers: Employment and Contributions to Family Spending

    IV. And teens may benefit in less tangible ways from work
    - collapse the original essay into a paragraph



    (NOTE: The citation is in the Google headline, but the web page didn't print out enough to show up. The Google hit with this statistic is here at the bottom of the page
    earnings by teenagers - Google Search
    The question is that "Do you think this is a good idea?". I think that teenagers should have jobs while they are still students so I only present its benefits.
    Do I have to compare both sides :benefits and drawbacks and then give my evaluation ?

  7. #7
    san2612 is offline Member
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    Default Re: teenagers working

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    But of most benefit to teenagers working is that they get some useful experiences which they cannot learn at school.
    What is the subject of this sentence?

  8. #8
    Ann1977 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: teenagers working

    Quote Originally Posted by san2612 View Post
    The question is that "Do you think this is a good idea?". I think that teenagers should have jobs while they are still students so I only present its benefits.
    Do I have to compare both sides :benefits and drawbacks and then give my evaluation ?
    You don't HAVE to, but you MAY do so if you choose. Including the opposite point of view has a few advantages:

    - It makes the essay sound more reasonable and balanced, since you acknowledge good points on the other side. Advocacy for one position does not entail a blind commitment to it such that no opposing fact can ever be admitted.

    - It often gives you something extra to say ("One common objection to the wide-spread vaccination of children is that ..... But this problem, while admittedly serious, can be overcome by .....") when you're low on ideas

    - It adds an illusion of gravitas to a list of light-weight and shallow ideas

    - It increases your word count

    The truth is that your essay was too light on ideas, so it would have been in your interests to find some.

    Even if they don't support your decision, contradictory ideas can be refuted. And really, any ideas -- whether they support your conclusion or not -- are better than none.

  9. #9
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: teenagers working

    Quote Originally Posted by san2612 View Post
    What is the subject of this sentence?
    But of most benefit to teenagers working is that they get some useful experiences which they cannot learn at school.

    The subject clause "that they get some useful experiences which they cannot learn at school" is the subject, as in:
    That they get some useful experiences which they cannot learn at school (subject) is (verb) of most benefit to teenagers working (complement).

    Consider:
    Of most benefit to a baby is his mother's love. Right
    The most benefit to a baby is his mother's love. Wrong
    The most beneficial thing to a baby is his mother's love. Right.

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