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  1. #1
    cosofyou is offline Newbie
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    Default I appriciate your comments on my paragraph

    Narration : My memorable holiday

    Traveling usually brings me a lot of fun and pleasure. I still found wonderful things when I lost my way on the holiday at Sam Son Beach. I stayed there for two days and a night. The first day went on smoothly. I toured around that renowned landscape and visited most of fantastic places. On the second day, an unforgettable day, I got lost in that unfamiliar beauty spot. In the morning, I got up early for a walk along the beach. The sea sight was very sparkling. I could enjoy fresh air and breezes from the sea made me relax a lot. Especially, I had the chance of viewing fishermen catching fish. It was absolutely a sight for sore eyes. Muscular men was trying their best to pull fish on shore with a reliable big string. I was so absorbed in that natural scenery that I did not care about how far I had gone. It was not until fish had been caught that I realised I lost my way. Firstly, I felt realy scared. I did not know the way to get back. When I was looking around to find my way, a nice couple asked me " Are you ok ? Do you need some help ? ". My mind was at peace when they appeared. Fortunately, I remembered my hotel's name and they helped me return to it. How lucky I was ! Although I went astray on that holiday, I caught sight of fishermen's working day and met kind hearted people.I believe that everybody can find good things in bad situations.

    . I look forward to reading your comments
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails view-from-the-restaurant.jpg  

  2. #2
    Petemol is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: I appriciate your comments on my paragraph

    Even though i am just a student i like to say that you did a wonderful job of describing the scenery. A nice moral too! Some expert might think differently though. i am just giving my opinion.

  3. #3
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    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: I appriciate your comments on my paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by cosofyou View Post
    Narration : My memorable holiday

    Traveling usually brings me a lot of fun and pleasure. I still found some wonderful things when I lost my way on my holiday at Sam Son Beach. I stayed there for two days and a night. The first day went on smoothly. I toured around that renowned landscape and visited most of many fantastic places. On the second day, an unforgettable day, I got lost in that unfamiliar beauty spot. [Did you get lost lost twice, or are you referring to the same episode? This problem arises from the persistent use of the simple past tense only - this should improve as you learn.]
    In the morning, I got up early for a walk along the beach. The sea sight was very sparkling. I could enjoy fresh air, and breezes from the sea made me relax a lot.
    [The comma is necessary here, otherwise it should read "
    I could enjoy fresh air and breezes from the sea, which made me relax a lot".]

    Especially, I had the chance of viewing fishermen catching fish. It was absolutely a sight for sore eyes. Muscular men were trying their best to pull fish on shore with a reliable big string net [?]. I was so absorbed in that natural scenery that I did not care about how far I had gone. It was not until the fish had been caught that I realised I had lost my way.
    [This is an excellent example of where to use the past perfect]
    Firstly, I felt really scared. I did not know the way to get back. When I was looking around to find my way, a nice couple asked me " Are you ok ? Do you need some help ? ". My mind was at peace when they appeared. Fortunately, I remembered my hotel's name and they helped me return to it. How lucky I was ! Although I went astray on that holiday, I caught sight of the fishermen's working day and met
    kind-hearted people. I believe that everybody can find good things in bad situations.


    . I look forward to reading your comments
    This seems to be an exercise in using the simple past tense. In that respect it's quite good.

  4. #4
    cosofyou is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: I appriciate your comments on my paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by Petemol View Post
    Even though i am just a student i like to say that you did a wonderful job of describing the scenery. A nice moral too! Some expert might think differently though. i am just giving my opinion.
    So happy to hear that though I know my writing need more improvement.
    Thanks a lot

  5. #5
    cosofyou is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: I appriciate your comments on my paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    This seems to be an exercise in using the simple past tense. In that respect it's quite good.
    I can't say how thankful I am for your editting my writing. I have got a lot of worthy things from the day joining this web. I can enrich my knowledge of using English as well as have members revise my writing. You spent your time on my thread, which makes me happy. I hope that I will receive more your comments on my writings.

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