You give a topic sentence, but then seem to forget about it. I was waiting for you to develop your theme that "The internet is like a sleeping giant waiting to be awakened."
but it never came. Your second sentence is illogical. It doesn't explain the topic sentence at all.
Basically, this isn't really an essay. It's an unstructured, almost 'stream-of-consciousness' single paragraph of your activities with the internet, some people you met, and with an enigmatic opinion about colleges at the end.
You need to get your ideas together; put each set of similar ideas in a paragraph of its own, and then make linking statements between the paragraphs.
You also need to say something consistent with your topic. You've given no explanation for the simile that the internet is like a sleeping giant waiting to be awakened.
You paragraph fizzles out with a non sequitur, and you have no conclusion.
You could make your introduction sentence "Here is some trivia about the internet, me, Griffin Bowman and my assertion that a college is not a trophy."
Or, you could rewrite it.
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