Results 1 to 4 of 4

    • Join Date: Oct 2009
    • Posts: 2
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #1

    Question can someone Please check my short essay it should be less than 150 but i have 200

    “Why are you still doing community Service? You know you don’t have to, right?” my friend said looking at me perplexed. Of course I knew I wasn’t require community hours to fulfill scholarship requirement. I was giving up their time freely because that not only will it help those but it helps build confidence and help me feeling like I’m actually doing something. One program called Midnight Run were student bring homeless food, clothing and toiletries from seven to midnight. We would make three stop and set up hand out the stuff some would shuffle over to use and those that didn’t for reason they didn’t share. We felt food and water by their boxes. Other would talk about their life before sleeping on the streets and those stories is what I always remember what they where and how they got there. These stories hold on to my heart and am glad I am helping and doing something that I am passionate about after going week after week student develop relations. The best part is when someone turns to you and say thank you, with sincerity and hope and you think to yourself I put that there. I made a difference.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,448
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Re: can someone Please check my short essay it should be less than 150 but i have 200

    Read it through from the end. Delete any word that is unnecessary - as you read, keep asking yourself "Is this really needed?", "Is this repetitious?"; Check your tenses and spellings.


    • Join Date: Oct 2009
    • Posts: 2
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #3

    Re: can someone Please check my short essay it should be less than 150 but i have 200

    I did that but im still 30 words above. could you plz help me fix the grammer


    “Why are you still doing community Service? You know you don’t have to, right?” my friend said looking at me perplexed. Of course I knew I didn’t need community hours to fulfill scholarship requirement. I was giving my time freely because not only will I be assisting but in addition build confidence. Midnight Run, a program were student bring the homeless food, clothing and toiletries from seven to midnight. We would make three stop during the night. Some would shuffle over to us and those that didn’t for reason they didn’t share; we would leave food and water by their boxes. Other would talk about their life before sleeping on the streets. Those stories I remember about what they were and how they got there would hold on to your heart and draw your full attention. I listened because I knew why I was there, to be a part of their stories .The best part is when someone turns to you and say thank you, with sincerity and hope and you think to yourself I put that there. I made a difference.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,448
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #4

    Re: can someone Please check my short essay it should be less than 150 but i have 200

    Quote Originally Posted by goodtimes View Post
    I did that but im still 30 words above. could you plz help me fix the grammer


    “Why are you still doing community Service? You know you don’t have to, right?” my friend said looking at me perplexed. Of course I knew I didn’t need community hours to fulfill scholarship requirement. I was giving my time freely because not only will I be assisting but in addition build confidence. Midnight Run, a program were student bring the homeless food, clothing and toiletries from seven to midnight. We would make three stop during the night. Some would shuffle over to us and those that didn’t for reason they didn’t share; we would leave food and water by their boxes. Other would talk about their life before sleeping on the streets. Those stories I remember about what they were and how they got there would hold on to your heart and draw your full attention. I listened because I knew why I was there, to be a part of their stories .The best part is when someone turns to you and say thank you, with sincerity and hope and you think to yourself I put that there. I made a difference.
    Do you really need the first highlighted sentence?

    It will be more direct as narrative to omit the second set of highlighting and run the two sentences together.

    "Midnight Run, a program in which students ..."

Similar Threads

  1. Please check my ESSAY
    By jomo27 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 23-Mar-2008, 12:10
  2. plz check a short essay
    By ghai_prince13 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-Jun-2007, 13:57
  3. Please help me corecct some mistakes in my short essay
    By JJ-BOLLMAN in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 19-Sep-2006, 22:24
  4. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 26-Dec-2005, 03:29

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •