Essay on violence

[Twisted_Illusion]

Could someone please correct my essay and write comments on it if necessary?:roll: Thank you in advance



What is violence? Give examples.Suggest how it can be stopped.

To begin this essay, I will take the liberty of giving an explicit and contemporary explanation of the term violence. Violence is an aggressive, abhorrent and disgraceful type of behavior, which exists in many forms and has been recently recognized as a thorny and tremendous problem. It is widely spread and seems to be gathering greater pace. It occurs due to numerous reasons and it is characteristic of people from all walks of life and every age. All in all, violence is nothing but a “disease” with various symptoms and unfortunately appears to be afflicting a whopping number of people.
To trace the origins of violence, we have to look back to decades ago when the world was a far too different place for living from now. However, people were roughly the same , they had similar problems and their lives were driven by love, hatred, hope, fear, betrayal and so on- feelings familiar to all of us. But how then they managed to lead a peaceful and nonviolent way of life? One of the answers to this question, I deem, lies in the rapidly increasing popularity of horror movies, computer games etc. I tend to believe that namely these seemingly harmless ways of entertainment hold the key to the accelerating occurrences of violence, especially amongst the youngsters.. There are many people now who at least once in their lives have borne witness to repulsive acts of violence- some of which took place in the streets, others at school and work and even at home. Those who have committed these dishonorable and shameful actions were up to point driven by what they had seen in movies and games. For example, it is an undeniable fact that a fifteen-year-old boy can hardly learn how to hurt people without imitating those in the movies and the games. Their minds, I dare believe, are unconsciously twisted and their actions can be thus justified.
On the other hand , however , violence seems to be the embodiment of the ceaseless hatred and rage that has been residing among people lately. There people whose actions are driven by the misfortunes and distresses that have haunted them, by the reversals of fortune and wheels of fate. They see their lives as dark proof of God’s absence and namely because of this they behave violently. They try to do justice to themselves by causing harm to others. And in this way, they only add up another piece of hatred to the enormous veil of rage and fear that is currently covering the world.
Summing up, it is obvious that violence occurs because of many reasons- all of which, considering the current situation of the world, can be easily justified. However, it is urgent that some measures should be taken to limit the amount of violence as we all know that nothing good ever comes of it. I suggest that we should show those wretches enchained by violence- that they should desert the act of doing violent things and try to follow a noble destiny instead. In this way, I am unshakably convinced that the world will turn into a much better place.

 

[Raymott]

Could someone please correct my essay and write comments on it if necessary?:roll: Thank you in advance



What is violence? Give examples.Suggest how it can be stopped.

To begin this essay, I will [STRIKE]take the liberty of giving[/STRIKE] give [You're not taking any liberties, since you've actually been asked to do this] an explicit and contemporary explanation of the term violence. Violence is an aggressive, abhorrent and disgraceful type of behavior, which exists in many forms and has been recently recognized as a thorny and tremendous problem. It is widely spread and seems to be gathering greater pace.
[Do you have any evidence for this? From my reading of history, violence has always been part of society, and is perhaps less than it was in past times]
It occurs due to numerous reasons and it is characteristic of people from all walks of life and every age. All in all, violence is nothing but a “disease” with various symptoms and unfortunately appears to be afflicting a whopping number of people. ['Whopping' is probably too casual for an essay of this type]
To trace the origins of violence, we have to look back to decades ago [? millennia, surely] when the world was a far too different place for living from now. However, people were roughly the same, they had similar problems and their lives were driven by love, hatred, hope, fear, betrayal and so on- feelings familiar to all of us. But how then did they manage[STRIKE]d[/STRIKE] to lead a peaceful and nonviolent way of life?
[What period are you talking about here, and where was this breakout of peace?]
One of the answers to this question, I deem, lies in the rapidly increasing popularity of horror movies, computer games etc. I tend to believe that namely these seemingly harmless ways of entertainment hold the key to the accelerating occurrences of violence, especially amongst the youngsters.
There are many people now who at least once in their lives have borne witness to repulsive acts of violence- some of which took place in the streets, others at school and work and even at home. Those who have committed these dishonorable and shameful actions were up to point driven by what they had seen in movies and games. For example, it is an undeniable fact that a fifteen-year-old boy can hardly learn how to hurt people without imitating those in the movies and the games.
[Really? I would deny it, and I'd back it up with evidence. You are saying that there were no violent 15 year old boys before the development of movies and computer games. This is an untenable position.]
Their minds, I dare believe, are unconsciously twisted and their actions can be thus justified.
On the other hand [STRIKE], however [/STRIKE], violence seems to be the embodiment of the ceaseless hatred and rage that has been residing among people lately. [And hatred and rage are recent phenomena? I'd say they've been around since humans evolved]
There people whose actions are driven by the misfortunes and distresses that have haunted them, by the reversals of fortune and wheels of fate. They see their lives as dark proof of God’s absence and namely because of this they behave violently. They try to do justice to themselves by causing harm to others. And in this way, they only add up another piece of hatred to the enormous veil of rage and fear that is currently covering the world.
Summing up, it is obvious that violence occurs because of many reasons- all of which, considering the current situation of the world, can be easily justified. However, it is urgent that some measures should be taken to limit the amount of violence as we all know that nothing good ever comes of it. I suggest that we should show those wretches enchained by violence that they should desert the act of doing violent things and try to follow a noble destiny instead. In this way, I am unshakably convinced that the world will turn into a much better place.

You've made a lot of unsupported allegations. You seem to have a particular conception of violence (say local violence on your streets) that you haven't defined.
You haven't given many (any) examples of violence or suggested any ways it can be stopped - which was part of the question.

Also consider the following opinions, with which you do not have to agree:
Wars are violent; there have always been wars.
Violence is not a recent phenomenon.
Violence is an innate human behaviour.
Violence is sometimes necessary - for example in restraining a violent person; in protecting an innocent person or oneself; perhaps in justified wars, unless you're a pacifist.