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  1. #1
    iluvafjk is offline Newbie
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    Please check my essay

    topic: Hunger

    Hello. Do you have a best friend? I have one. I would really like to tell you about him. After I finish, however, would you mind doing me a favour? It is not something difficult, in fact, it is very simple. It may be rude for me to ask you, but really, I have no means to do it myself. I need you help.

    My best friend stays with me wherever I go. He Is always there beside me, next to me, with me, everytime, everyday. It seems like he could not live without me. I feel his presence from the time I wake up in the morning, until the next morning when I wake up again. What is more, he has been accompanying me since I can remember. He never leaves me.

    I think he also likes my brothers. I have three younger brothers. When I told them about my best friend, they nodded in agreement and said they knew of him. I was a little bit sad when I heard that, because that means I am not the only one. It is not as if I am jealous, no. I just felt that it is much better if I am the only person who knows of this friend of mine.

    The reason why I do not want anybody else to get acquainted with him is because frequently, he can be rather domineering. This is one trait of him which makes me really do not like him. When I need to go to work, to do something, anything, to get my siblings some gold, he does not allow me to do so. He wants me to only concentrate on him, and him only. He would never let me go easily. A lot of occasion, I cannot do anything but to give up and with heavy heart, ask one of my younger brothers to go and replace me, while I tend to my best friend. It is not nice of me to let go of the responsibility I have to bear, I know. However I really have no power to fight him. He can always overpower and defeat me, so easily.

    There, the story of my best friend and I. Now, I would like to ask you to do something for me. It is not a problem at all if it turns out that you cannot help me. I need you, I beg of you, to help me get rid of my best friend. I am really sick of him now. I do not want him. Do you know of a way to make him disappear? I would trade him with anything. However do not let him find a new best friend. He is not a good friend, so he should be left alone. Can you help me? Please?

    Oh, and by the way, I have yet to mention his name, have I? I am told that his name is hunger. My last note for you and everybody, never, never ever let him get you. He can destroy you and your lives.


    Thank you so much!

  2. #2
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    Re: would you mind checking my essay? thank you so much

    Quote Originally Posted by iluvafjk View Post
    topic: Hunger

    Hello. Do you have a best friend? I have one. I would really like to tell you about him. After I finish, however, would you mind doing me a favour? It is not something difficult, in fact, it is very simple. It may be rude for me to ask you, but really, I have no means to do it myself. I need you help.

    My best friend stays with me wherever I go. He Is always there beside me, next to me, with me, everytime, everyday. It seems like he could not live without me. I feel his presence from the time I wake up in the morning, until the next morning when I wake up again. What is more, he has been accompanying me since I can remember. He never leaves me.

    I think he also likes my brothers. I have three younger brothers. When I told them about my best friend, they nodded in agreement and said they knew of him. I was a little bit sad when I heard that, because that means I am not the only one. It is not as if I am jealous, no. I just felt that it is much better if I am the only person who knows of this friend of mine.

    The reason why I do not want anybody else to get acquainted with him is because frequently, he can be rather domineering. This is one trait of him which makes me really do not like him. When I need to go to work, to do something, anything, to get my siblings some gold, he does not allow me to do so. He wants me to only concentrate on him, and him only. He would never let me go easily. A lot of occasion, I cannot do anything but to give up and with heavy heart, ask one of my younger brothers to go and replace me, while I tend to my best friend. It is not nice of me to let go of the responsibility I have to bear, I know. However I really have no power to fight him. He can always overpower and defeat me, so easily.

    There, the story of my best friend and I. Now, I would like to ask you to do something for me. It is not a problem at all if it turns out that you cannot help me. I need you, I beg of you, to help me get rid of my best friend. I am really sick of him now. I do not want him. Do you know of a way to make him disappear? I would trade him with anything. However do not let him find a new best friend. He is not a good friend, so he should be left alone. Can you help me? Please?

    Oh, and by the way, I have yet to mention his name, have I? I am told that his name is hunger. My last note for you and everybody, never, never ever let him get you. He can destroy you and your lives.


    Thank you so much!
    I just want to comment on the topic,
    if in Malaysia, it can be said out of topic.
    We cannot use a topic as a name of a person.

  3. #3
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Re: would you mind checking my essay? thank you so much

    Quote Originally Posted by heartnet View Post
    I just want to comment on the topic,
    if in Malaysia, it can be said out of topic.
    We cannot use a topic as a name of a person.

    Why not? Unless the person setting the topic states that the essay is to be purely factual and argumentative, I see no reason why the person writing it cannot use the topic in any way they choose, even personification. One could write about Death as a person or Plague as a person, so why not Hunger?

  4. #4
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    Re: Please check my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by iluvafjk View Post
    topic: Hunger

    Hello. Do you have a best friend? I have one. I would really like to tell you about him. After I finish, however, would you mind doing me a favour? It is not something difficult, in fact, it is very simple. It may be rude for me to ask you, but really, I have no means to do it myself. I need you help.

    My best friend stays with me wherever I go. He Is always there beside me, next to me, with me, everytime, everyday. It seems like he could not live without me. I feel his presence from the time I wake up in the morning, until the next morning when I wake up again. What is more, he has been accompanying me since I can remember. He never leaves me.

    I think he also likes my brothers. I have three younger brothers. When I told them about my best friend, they nodded in agreement and said they knew of him. I was a little bit sad when I heard that, because that means I am not the only one. It is not as if I am jealous, no. I just felt that it is much better if I am the only person who knows of this friend of mine.

    The reason why I do not want anybody else to get acquainted with him is because frequently, he can be rather domineering. This is one trait of him which makes me really do not like him. When I need to go to work, to do something, anything, to get my siblings some gold, he does not allow me to do so. He wants me to only concentrate on him, and him only. He would never let me go easily. A lot of occasion, I cannot do anything but to give up and with heavy heart, ask one of my younger brothers to go and replace me, while I tend to my best friend. It is not nice of me to let go of the responsibility I have to bear, I know. However I really have no power to fight him. He can always overpower and defeat me, so easily.

    There, the story of my best friend and I. Now, I would like to ask you to do something for me. It is not a problem at all if it turns out that you cannot help me. I need you, I beg of you, to help me get rid of my best friend. I am really sick of him now. I do not want him. Do you know of a way to make him disappear? I would trade him with anything. However do not let him find a new best friend. He is not a good friend, so he should be left alone. Can you help me? Please?

    Oh, and by the way, I have yet to mention his name, have I? I am told that his name is hunger. My last note for you and everybody, never, never ever let him get you. He can destroy you and your lives.


    Thank you so much!
    Nice personification. Here is the revision.
    Do you have a best friend? I have one, and I want to tell you about him. After I finish, however, would you mind doing me a favor? I can’t do it myself, and I promise it isn’t difficult. It may be rude of me to ask; although, I have no means to do it myself. I, in fact, need your help.

    My best friend constantly stands by my side everyday; without me it seems he can’t survive. Memories of my best friend extend as far as I can remember, and from the time I wake up until I go to sleep, he is there. One might get tired of someone being around so much, but I’ve learned to accept him into my life.

    My family is quite large, and my three younger brothers all know of my best friend. Although, it seems they don’t approve of his consistent presence. I am saddened they know of him, but I’m not jealous; I just feel I should be the only one who deals with him every day; he can be rather demanding, as this is one of his negative traits. Come to think of it, he actually doesn’t have very many positive traits. Even while I work he demands my time, and on occasion, while I’m working, I have to leave and be replaced by one of my siblings while I tend to my best friend. You might ask, “Why are you still friends with him”? I am powerless against his domineering personality; he controls my life. I wish I could break free of this endless cycle with him and lead a normal life, as you do.

    I apologize; you might have thought this story would read about a positive experience with my best friend. Now, I need to ask a favor of you. I will understand if you can’t help me, as this is common. Can you please help me end this tiresome relationship with my best friend? I don’t want him around anymore, and I don’t want him around anyone else either. He is too demanding and far from a good companion. Can you help me? Please?

    By the way, I failed to mention his name earlier. His name is Hunger, and he destroys lives. This is my last warning about my best friend; never let him into your life. Do not live under the dark cloud I endure.

    Thank you.
    Last edited by Anglika; 06-Nov-2009 at 20:46. Reason: removal of unauthorised link

  5. #5
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    Re: would you mind checking my essay? thank you so much

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    Why not? Unless the person setting the topic states that the essay is to be purely factual and argumentative, I see no reason why the person writing it cannot use the topic in any way they choose, even personification. One could write about Death as a person or Plague as a person, so why not Hunger?

    I misunderstanding the essay,

  6. #6
    san2612 is offline Member
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    Re: would you mind checking my essay? thank you so much

    I think 'hunger' is your closest friend but not your best friend because you don't want him, you try to make him disappear and as you said 'he can destroy you and your lives.'

    It is said that 'A best friend is like a four-leave clover: hard to find and lucky to have'.

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