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  1. #1
    maria3103 is offline Newbie
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    Default Mathematics and Physics Personal Statement

    Hi,
    This is my first draft of my personal statement, i'm having difficulties writing about myself and i'm not sure if i've written enough.
    I've underlined bits where i'm unsure of the phrasing. Please criticise as much as possible. Thanks =)

    For as long as I can remember, I have always enjoyed problem solving and logic; I gained this from learning mathematics at school and as I started to develop my knowledge, I came to realise how important it really is in day-to-day life. Mathematics underlies all processes and patterns around us, and turns up everywhere you look in the world; nothing can work without it. This led me into my fascination ofhow the universe works. I discovered that physics is infinitely used in the world around me - from fluid dynamics in developing sweets and chocolates to understanding the life cycles of stars are how the universe began. Without physics, simple processes that we all take for granted wouldn’t exist, such as world wide communication and electricity - the idea that any advancement in physics could lead to even more extraordinary development in our understanding and quality of living is simply thrilling.

    I particularly enjoy the core modules of mathematics at A level, it seems limitless and I find the challenge of problem solving relishing; mechanics makes it obvious how physics and mathematics work together hand in hand - the derivation of theories in physics would not be possible without maths, and physics provides maths with even more uses. Whilst studying physics at A level, I have found the subject challenging, stimulating and at times frustrating but the satisfaction gained when overcoming difficulties makes the hard work worth it, for example coming to terms with that fact that light actually consists of photons which are ‘packets’ or energy with no mass. Also, from taking psychology as an A level I have gained an incredibly useful skill of being able to constructively analyse, criticise and look at theories from every possible angle, and communicate these conclusions in well structured essays.

    As a recreational activity, I have been self-teaching myself to play the piano for over 5 years. I acquired my love for music when I discovered how famous pieces of music, for instance, written by Chopin and Tchaikovsky, were simply mixtures of patterns and sequences, when looked at closely; yet they create such beautiful and complex songs filled with emotion which can be interpreted in so many different ways. To me - this relates back to mathematics and physics - on the outside, it looks as though they’re simply a list of theories and equations, but with further inspection, possibilities are endless. I have been under part-time employment since the age of 14 in various different types of vocations, for example babysitting and working at my local newsagents on weekends. I have been working in a retail store for over a year as a shop assistant which shows my commitment. From these jobs I have learnt a range of communications skills such dealing with unsatisfied customers and have gained experience in using my own initiative.

    I would like to take a combined course of mathematics and physics at an even further level as it will expose me to challenges that will push me to my limits, enhance my knowledge and understanding, and also, simply for my own pleasure and personal interest. Although I am unsure of my path after graduating from university, I am certain that these qualifications will give me a variety of transferable skills and a strong base for a wide range of careers. I’m sure that I will thoroughly enjoy my university experience and that it will be full of opportunities and challenges that will help to develop me further as a person.

  2. #2
    chester_100's Avatar
    chester_100 is offline Member
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    Default Re: Mathematics and Physics Personal Statement

    Dear maria3103,

    I enjoyed reading your statement. Thank you.
    Are you a native English speaker? Well, I’m not, but I understood your points and attitude. It’s a nice personal account.

    However, if by “criticize as much as possible” you mean you want someone to evaluate your text from a professional perspective, only a native teacher or a person familiar with the rules of writing such works ( like semiautobiographical works) can guide you.

    For example, the person may want to know how you are emotionally related to mathematics and physics. You know what a perplexing task it might be. Or you may be asked to arrange the events in coherently meaningful time sequences, describing all the influential circumstances that led you to develop your current view on life.

    Anyhow, here are some points that may be helpful.


    This led me into my fascination

    I think you mean the fact that “mathematics underlies all processes and patterns around us, and turns up everywhere you look in the world and nothing can work without it led you into your fascination of how the universe works”.
    That makes sense. You could also say more figuratively:
    “This kindled my interest, filling me with an overwhelming sense of curiosity”.


    Processes

    Well, process is frequently used in English and one can safely assert that the term is exploited almost in every science from computer programming to psychology.

    In general, it describes a set of actions that, considering the wide range of its usage, can be causal, directional, temporal; kinetic, chemical, electrical; emotional, perceptional, etc.

    As a result, it would be right to apply the word to matters concerning communication and electricity.
    But the point here is that you call such processes “simple”, while they don’t seem to be.

    Conclusions

    Analysis, criticism, and looking at theories from every possible angle help us arrive at conclusions, but they are not conclusions in themselves, because conclusion, being a Latin word, suggests the act of closing something completely. If you’re ambivalent about using it, you can simply replace it by “findings”.

    Self-teaching myself

    I’m not sure about this one, but apparently the clause suffers from redundancy. Even if it’s used by natives, only an English grammarian can tell us about its appropriateness.

    Whilst

    I know that whilst is usually used in British English, but it would unnecessarily make sentences sound formal, hurting the simplicity and tone of the text.



    Good luck,

    Chester


  3. #3
    maria3103 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Mathematics and Physics Personal Statement

    Hi,
    Yeah i'm a native speaker =) thank you very much, was the grammar alright? i got a bit confused about when to use comma's and sem-colons

  4. #4
    chester_100's Avatar
    chester_100 is offline Member
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    Default Re: Mathematics and Physics Personal Statement

    Quote Originally Posted by maria3103 View Post
    Hi,
    Yeah i'm a native speaker =) thank you very much, was the grammar alright? i got a bit confused about when to use comma's and sem-colons

    You’re welcome.

    Hi,
    Here are some further points concerning sentence edition:

    - Semicolons can usually take the place of connectors. Whenever you want to use a semicolon, you can think of a meaningful connection between the two independent, but related sentences or clauses. Relations like:

    Equation: in the same way, likewise….
    Summation: therefore, in brief, thus….
    Inference: otherwise, my conclusion is…


    Now, let’s take a look at your one of your sentences:

    Mathematics underlies all processes and patterns around us, and turns up everywhere you look in the world;nothing can work without it.

    The semicolon here may show the relation of SUMMATION or RESULT between the two sentences.

    Mathematics underlies all processes and patterns around us, and turns up everywhere you look in the world;In short/ thus, nothing can work without it.

    By the way, to make the sentence sound more emphatic, you can say: “…wherever you look in the world”.


    - I particularly enjoy the core modules of mathematics at A level, because it seems limitless and I find the challenge of problem solving relishing;mechanics makes it obvious how physics and mathematics work together hand in hand

    In this sentence, however, I would put a full-stop, because the semantic relationship between the sentences seems to be a bit loose. Of course, I can’t say it’s wrong!

    I particularly enjoy the core modules of mathematics at A level, because they [the subject of this sentence is “core modules” which is plural] limitless and I find the challenge of problem solving relishing. [Full-stop] Mechanics makes it obvious how physics and mathematics work together hand in hand.


    - …from fluid dynamics in developing sweets and chocolates to understanding the life cycles of stars and how the universe began.

    - The idea that any advancement in physics could lead to even more extraordinary developments [plural form].

    - the derivation of theories in physics would not be possible without maths, and in the same way/ likewise physics provides maths with even more uses.

    - the satisfaction gained when overcoming difficulties makes the hard work worthit; for example, coming to terms with that fact that light…

    - I acquired my love for music when I discovered how famous pieces of music such as those written by Chopin and Tchaikovsky, were simply mixtures…

    - I have been under part-time employment since the age of 14 in various different types of vocations like babysitting and working at my….

    - I’m sure that I will thoroughly enjoy my university experience and that it will be full of opportunities and challenges that will help to develop me/myself [better in writing] further as a person.




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