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  1. #1
    marwane25002500 is offline Newbie
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    Default plz plz plz i need ur help i m gona take the ielts exam next week

    hi this is the topic plz what band this essay deserve:The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population,this is causing problems not only for poor,undeveloped countries,but also for industrialized and developing nations.Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes,and suggest at least one possible solution.


    _As we are living in the 21st century,new problems have been appeared.
    Nowadays many nations or countries are suffering from different issues,such as
    poverty,illiteracy....However,most of social scientists claimed that these
    problems are caused by the overpopulation.


    _The are several reasons that prod us to be worried about the high rate of
    increasing people.In most of the undeveloped countries providing food is
    becoming a real challenge not because these nations don t have enough
    means to offer it,But because the demand is higher than the supply.In
    addition,the high number of umployed people is more seen in poorest nations
    their governments can t provide sufficient jobs.

    _As the case of underdeveloped countries,many rich nations are still
    struggling to defuse the threats under the high rising of population.The rate
    of crimes is becoming more important in most of developed countries such as
    USA,UK..and this is due to the the high number of people living in these
    areas.Moreover,the consumption of drug between young people knew an
    increase these last years.

    _To conclude,I think the best way to limit the high raising of people around
    the world,is to set some fines for families who get more than 2 children,
    and also by awaring people about what overpopulation can have as bad
    effects on our lifestyle and future.That s why we are all called to unify our
    efforts in order to strive this phenomenal with view to make our world
    safer and peaceful.

  2. #2
    bhaisahab's Avatar
    bhaisahab is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: plz plz plz i need ur help i m gona take the ielts exam next week

    Quote Originally Posted by marwane25002500 View Post
    hi this is the topic plz what band this essay deserve:The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population,this is causing problems not only for poor,undeveloped countries,but also for industrialized and developing nations.Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes,and suggest at least one possible solution.


    _As we are living in the 21st century,new problems have been appeared.
    Nowadays many nations or countries are suffering from different issues,such as
    poverty,illiteracy....However,most of social scientists claimed that these
    problems are caused by the overpopulation.


    _The are several reasons that prod us to be worried about the high rate of
    increasing people.In most of the undeveloped countries providing food is
    becoming a real challenge not because these nations don t have enough
    means to offer it,But because the demand is higher than the supply.In
    addition,the high number of umployed people is more seen in poorest nations
    their governments can t provide sufficient jobs.

    _As the case of underdeveloped countries,many rich nations are still
    struggling to defuse the threats under the high rising of population.The rate
    of crimes is becoming more important in most of developed countries such as
    USA,UK..and this is due to the the high number of people living in these
    areas.Moreover,the consumption of drug between young people knew an
    increase these last years.

    _To conclude,I think the best way to limit the high raising of people around
    the world,is to set some fines for families who get more than 2 children,
    and also by awaring people about what overpopulation can have as bad
    effects on our lifestyle and future.That s why we are all called to unify our
    efforts in order to strive this phenomenal with view to make our world
    safer and peaceful.
    Well, it's understandable, but there are quite a few problems with verb tenses and problems with syntax.

  3. #3
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: plz plz plz i need ur help i m gona take the ielts exam next week

    The punctuation is terrible. The lack of spaces after a comma and a period are also unorthodox. An ellipsis has 3 dots, not 2 or 4. And the underscores at the beginning of a paragraph don't belong.
    You're going to lose a lot of marks for something that you could easily fix.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: plz plz plz i need ur help i m gona take the ielts exam next week

    The IELTS is done by hand, so your spaces don't matter (unless your handwriting does the same thing!).

    You need to be aware of using words like "most... think... is caused by", as it may be too general. Using terms that show moderation "many..." or "believe... is a major factor in..." shows better language control.

    Also, as was said before, check your syntax. If you have a second subject in a sentence and no conjunction or punctuation, you need to look again. Speaking of conjunctions - a little time spent linking your ideas would help. Why does a larger population result in an increase in criminal behaviour? What effect does population have on drug taking? You need to be clearer, like in the paragraph above that. The second paragraph answers the question, but the third doesn't really, so you'd need to be more aware of the need to do that.

    It's understandable, as bhaisahab said, but I think, at this late stage, it would be a good idea to look at concordances to see how key words are used. If you misuse the words around your main ideas, you'll have more of a problem than other occasional mistakes. Below WAS a link to the Collins Cobuild corpus, but I wasn't allowed to put it in, so you can do an online search for it - it gives you a variety of example sentences for the word you want. Type in your word and pay attention to how they are used in the examples, and what words are around them (nouns, verbs, _ing etc.). This can be a good tool for independent practice - but you must pay attention to the form of the words so you can see general rules and patterns, rather than just correct yourself - and don't try to learn everything, just general patterns from sentences with the meanings you want to express.

    Hope that's helpful. Good luck with the exam!

  5. #5
    marwane25002500 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: plz plz plz i need ur help i m gona take the ielts exam next week

    Quote Originally Posted by bhaisahab View Post
    Well, it's understandable, but there are quite a few problems with verb tenses and problems with syntax.
    Thank you Sir for the advices

  6. #6
    marwane25002500 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: plz plz plz i need ur help i m gona take the ielts exam next week

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    The punctuation is terrible. The lack of spaces after a comma and a period are also unorthodox. An ellipsis has 3 dots, not 2 or 4. And the underscores at the beginning of a paragraph don't belong.
    You're going to lose a lot of marks for something that you could easily fix.
    Thank you Sir for the advices,but for example if i write an essay like this one in the exam what band i ll get ??thx

  7. #7
    marwane25002500 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: plz plz plz i need ur help i m gona take the ielts exam next week

    Quote Originally Posted by Bobbybobbob View Post
    The IELTS is done by hand, so your spaces don't matter (unless your handwriting does the same thing!).

    You need to be aware of using words like "most... think... is caused by", as it may be too general. Using terms that show moderation "many..." or "believe... is a major factor in..." shows better language control.

    Also, as was said before, check your syntax. If you have a second subject in a sentence and no conjunction or punctuation, you need to look again. Speaking of conjunctions - a little time spent linking your ideas would help. Why does a larger population result in an increase in criminal behaviour? What effect does population have on drug taking? You need to be clearer, like in the paragraph above that. The second paragraph answers the question, but the third doesn't really, so you'd need to be more aware of the need to do that.

    It's understandable, as bhaisahab said, but I think, at this late stage, it would be a good idea to look at concordances to see how key words are used. If you misuse the words around your main ideas, you'll have more of a problem than other occasional mistakes. Below WAS a link to the Collins Cobuild corpus, but I wasn't allowed to put it in, so you can do an online search for it - it gives you a variety of example sentences for the word you want. Type in your word and pay attention to how they are used in the examples, and what words are around them (nouns, verbs, _ing etc.). This can be a good tool for independent practice - but you must pay attention to the form of the words so you can see general rules and patterns, rather than just correct yourself - and don't try to learn everything, just general patterns from sentences with the meanings you want to express.

    Hope that's helpful. Good luck with the exam!
    Thank you Sir for the advices,but for example if i write an essay like this one in the exam what band i ll get ??thx

  8. #8
    bhaisahab's Avatar
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    Default Re: plz plz plz i need ur help i m gona take the ielts exam next week

    Quote Originally Posted by marwane25002500 View Post
    Thank you Sir for the advice,but, for example if I write an essay like this one in the exam, what band will I get ??thx
    That will depend a lot on the attitude of the marker, I would imagine. I advise you to work on it and improve it, following the advice that you have recieved.

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