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  1. #1
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    help grading what I wrote ^_^

    Hello


    I have just received my writing exam and I'm so not satisfied with the mark

    And I'm not convinced with the mistakes that my teacher considered


    Please read it and grade it out of 20 and then I will tell you what is the grade that she gave to me


    Topic: Generosity

    My friend Samar is a a very generous person, and she proves several points about generousity. For example, she proves that being generous does not mean that the person should be very rich, I know that she passed through hard times finintialy, but never stopped giving. Generousity not depending on the growing up environment is another example, Samar's father is kind of stingy, but that did not make her like him. She also proves that sometimes generous people give what they might be in need for, to exemplifie that that I remember once she gave some money to a poor lady and later I knew that it was all she had. Generousity is a great quality that everybody should have.


    Note: I wrote it exactly the way I did in the exam even with the spelling mistakes.
    There is no problem with the lenght of the paragraph.


    Regards
    CS-student ^_^

  2. #2
    bhaisahab's Avatar
    bhaisahab is offline Moderator
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    Re: help grading what I wrote ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by CS-student View Post
    Hello


    I have just received my writing exam and I'm so not satisfied with the mark

    And I'm not convinced with the mistakes that my teacher considered


    Please read it and grade it out of 20 and then I will tell you what is the grade that she gave to me


    Topic: Generosity

    My friend Samar is a a very generous person, and she proves several points about generousity. For example, she proves that being generous does not mean that the person should be very rich, I know that she passed through hard times finintialy, but never stopped giving. Generousity not depending on the growing up environment is another example, Samar's father is kind of stingy, but that did not make her like him. She also proves that sometimes generous people give what they might be in need for, to exemplifie that that I remember once she gave some money to a poor lady and later I knew that it was all she had. Generousity is a great quality that everybody should have.


    Note: I wrote it exactly the way I did in the exam even with the spelling mistakes.
    There is no problem with the lenght of the paragraph.


    Regards
    CS-student ^_^
    There are quite a few faults, do you want it corrected? I don't want to get involved in a "marking contest" with your teacher.

  3. #3
    yogahelps2 is offline Newbie
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    Re: help grading what I wrote ^_^

    It's hard to know what your teacher was considering when grading. If she graded on everything--content, spelling, grammar, punctuation, clarity, etc--then I can understand how you received a low score.

    Here are some things I noticed:

    Redundancy, both of ideas and use of the word "proves"
    Not the best choice of words
    "in need for" rather than "in need of"
    Problem with sentence structure

    You did get the message across that your friend is a generous person. If your teacher were grading on only the ability to convey a message, you'd have gotten a 20!

  4. #4
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Re: help grading what I wrote ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by CS-student View Post
    Topic: Generosity

    My friend Samar is a a very generous person, and she proves several points about generousity. For example, she proves that being generous does not mean that the person should be very rich
    [Poor phrasing. "Being generous does not require that a person be rich." Or "does not imply ...." I think you're saying that a person doesn't have to be rich to be generous.]
    ,
    [comma splice. You shouldn't try to join sentences with a comma]

    I know that she passed through hard times finintialy [not a word] , but never stopped giving. Generousity not depending on the growing up environment [poor phrasing] is another example,
    [Another comma splice]

    Samar's father is kind of [You should avoid 'kind of' and similar colloquial expressions in an essay] stingy, but that did not make her like him.
    [I think you mean "That did not make her similar to him". You've written that she didn't like her father because of his stinginess.]

    She also proves that sometimes generous people give what they might be in need for [in need of]
    ,
    [comma splice ]
    To exemplifie [sp] that that, I remember that once she gave some money to a poor lady and later I knew [found out/discovered. We don't use 'knew' in this way] that it was all she had. Generousity is a great quality that everybody should have.
    It's hard to give a mark because we don't know what standard you are at, etc. If this is supposed to be perfect English, I'd fail it. If you got 11 or 12, you probably shouldn't complain.
    [Note: I'm a hard marker]

  5. #5
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    Re: help grading what I wrote ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by bhaisahab View Post
    There are quite a few faults, do you want it corrected? I don't want to get involved in a "marking contest" with your teacher.

    I respect that but I will not tell her ^_^ , your corrections would help me improve myself for the final exam .

    Thank you
    Last edited by CS-student; 17-Nov-2009 at 21:31.

  6. #6
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    Re: help grading what I wrote ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by yogahelps2 View Post
    It's hard to know what your teacher was considering when grading. If she graded on everything--content, spelling, grammar, punctuation, clarity, etc--then I can understand how you received a low score.

    Here are some things I noticed:

    Redundancy, both of ideas and use of the word "proves"
    Not the best choice of words
    "in need for" rather than "in need of"
    Problem with sentence structure

    You did get the message across that your friend is a generous person. If your teacher were grading on only the ability to convey a message, you'd have gotten a 20!


    I wish she did that!
    Thank you

  7. #7
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    Re: help grading what I wrote ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    It's hard to give a mark because we don't know what standard you are at, etc. If this is supposed to be perfect English, I'd fail it. If you got 11 or 12, you probably shouldn't complain.
    [Note: I'm a hard marker]

    Thank you for taking time to explain all that

    (To exemplifie [sp] that that) >> In the exam I wrote "that" only once !


    I am freshman at University of Sharjah and the course title is Academic English 1


    [You should avoid 'kind of' and similar colloquial expressions in an essay] >> she told us that we should not say "Jack is stingy" we should use some word like "kind of stingy" >> But she commented on that in my exam paper as (informal) ,, what would be the formal word instead?
    and how can I learn to differentiate between formal and informal English as I usually use movies to learn more words and phrases?

    [I think you mean "That did not make her similar to him". You've written that she didn't like her father because of his stinginess.]
    Now I can see that , but isn't it said for example "she looks exactly like her sister" ?
    Is the word "like" ever used for that purpose?


    [Note: I'm a hard marker]
    I totally agree ^_^!

    I guess the weakest paragraph in my section didn't get 11 !!
    And in other sections the instructor gave the students who wrote off point 12/20 !
    I got 16/20


    I really wish to improve myself in English and hopefully I will



    Thank you sir









    Last edited by CS-student; 18-Nov-2009 at 07:16.

  8. #8
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Re: help grading what I wrote ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by CS-student View Post
    [You should avoid 'kind of' and similar colloquial expressions in an essay] >> she told us that we should not say "Jack is stingy" we should use some word like "kind of stingy" >> But she commented on that in my exam paper as (informal) ,, what would be the formal word instead?
    Rather, quite, somewhat ... At least you didn't write 'kinda'.

    and how can I learn to differentiate between formal and informal English as I usually use movies to learn more words and phrases?
    You should probably also watch news bulletins or current affairs, or documentaries. They would not use terms like "kind of".

    [I think you mean "That did not make her similar to him". You've written that she didn't like her father because of his stinginess.]
    Now I can see that , but isn't it said for example "she looks exactly like her sister" ?
    Is the word "like" ever used for that purpose?
    Oh yes, but in this case, it is ambiguous, and the easiest reading is that it says something about liking her father.
    Consider this sentence: "He hypnotized me to make me like my sister." I'd read this as "They wanted me to like my sister", not "... to resemble my sister"

    I got 16/20
    You should be laughing!
    R.

  9. #9
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    Re: help grading what I wrote ^_^

    I would have given it an 11 or 12 as well. :O

  10. #10
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    Re: help grading what I wrote ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    You should be laughing!
    I did when I read this

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