I have just received my writing exam and I'm so not satisfied with the mark
And I'm not convinced with the mistakes that my teacher considered
Please read it and grade it out of 20 and then I will tell you what is the grade that she gave to me
My friend Samar is a a very generous person, and she proves several points about generousity. For example, she proves that being generous does not mean that the person should be very rich, I know that she passed through hard times finintialy, but never stopped giving. Generousity not depending on the growing up environment is another example, Samar's father is kind of stingy, but that did not make her like him. She also proves that sometimes generous people give what they might be in need for, to exemplifie that that I remember once she gave some money to a poor lady and later I knew that it was all she had. Generousity is a great quality that everybody should have.
Note: I wrote it exactly the way I did in the exam even with the spelling mistakes.
There is no problem with the lenght of the paragraph.
It's hard to know what your teacher was considering when grading. If she graded on everything--content, spelling, grammar, punctuation, clarity, etc--then I can understand how you received a low score.
Here are some things I noticed:
Redundancy, both of ideas and use of the word "proves"
Not the best choice of words
"in need for" rather than "in need of"
Problem with sentence structure
You did get the message across that your friend is a generous person. If your teacher were grading on only the ability to convey a message, you'd have gotten a 20!
Last edited by CS-student; 17-Nov-2009 at 20:31.
Thank you for taking time to explain all that
(To exemplifie [sp] that that) >> In the exam I wrote "that" only once !
I am freshman at University of Sharjah and the course title is Academic English 1
[You should avoid 'kind of' and similar colloquial expressions in an essay] >> she told us that we should not say "Jack is stingy" we should use some word like "kind of stingy" >> But she commented on that in my exam paper as (informal) ,, what would be the formal word instead?
and how can I learn to differentiate between formal and informal English as I usually use movies to learn more words and phrases?
[I think you mean "That did not make her similar to him". You've written that she didn't like her father because of his stinginess.]
Now I can see that , but isn't it said for example "she looks exactly like her sister" ?
Is the word "like" ever used for that purpose?
[Note: I'm a hard marker]
I totally agree ^_^!
I guess the weakest paragraph in my section didn't get 11 !!
And in other sections the instructor gave the students who wrote off point 12/20 !
I got 16/20
I really wish to improve myself in English and hopefully I will
Thank you sir
Last edited by CS-student; 18-Nov-2009 at 06:16.
I would have given it an 11 or 12 as well. :O