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  1. #1
    hai_lua_t2's Avatar
    hai_lua_t2 is offline Newbie
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    Post Please correct my paraghraph

    Dear teacher!
    This is the paragraph tell about good points of computer in barking. And I hope you will correct it

    Today, computer has been helping human in banking exchange so much. Many years ago, when the computer was not still invented, you wanted withdraw money your account, you had to go to the bank absolutely. Let you imagine, if you lived in a rural area where wasn't have bank, what would you do to withdraw money? You had to move a long distance to city far way to see a bank and clearly, in this case, that is too inconvenient and difficult for you. But now that is not exist longer. You can withdraw your money anywhere that you want and don't need to go to the bank by your credit card. Other hand, you don't also need to keep a lot of cash beside yourself. You just keep your credit card. If someone stole your credit card, he can't also have your money because it was protected by a password that only you can open it. It's so safe, isn't it? This is a good point of computer in banking. And there are many many other features that we are still unknown that computer can do in banking.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    Default Re: Please correct my paraghraph

    Well, this will get you started,

    Today, computer has been helping human in banking exchange so much.
    The computer has made banking transactions much easier for people for a while now.

    Many years ago, when the computer was not still invented, you wanted withdraw money your account, you had to go to the bank absolutely.

    Years ago, before the computer, you had no choice but to go to the bank yourself when you wanted to withdraw money.

    [check your time frame—isn't it the case that computers were invented long before they were used by bank customers?]


    And there are many many other features that we are still unknown that computer can do in banking.
    There are unexplored possibilities for the computer's use in banking.

    (If the features are unknown then we don't know that they exist. and so you can't even say that there are "many.")


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