How is the essay after changes? I mean grammar and organisation of the essay.
Many of the sentences need to be rewritten. (I have made some suggestions.) In fact, that is the point of my posts: to make you (the writer) aware of the problems and suggest some changes.
After you write an essay you must read it. And you must read it with the eyes of someone who doesn't know what the what the writer's intentions are but only what the writer means to say by reading the words on the page. If I have questions they are the same questions any other reader might have if he or she is struggling to understand the material.
Be kind to your readers. Strive for clarity.
Now do a rewrite with my suggestions (and questions) in mind. (Because I haven't suggested any changes for any particular paragrah or any particular sentence that doesn't mean it doesn't need changing.)
After you have finished making the necessary changes, post the revised essay on this thread.