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  1. #1
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    Talking Please review my eassy on parental resposibilites.

    Responsibility division between parents in rearing the children is one of the most important mexclusively take responsibility over making up their their mind on pragnancy are also responsible for upbringing of the children.However,I totally disagree with this idea for the reasons as follows.
    For one thing, women are not the only ones to decide such an important matter.Marriage is a serious stuff stemming from close binding between two individuals.Therefore in a family ,husband and wife should talk to each other to decide on whether or not to have babies .It is responsibility of both parents
    For another thing,if women are the only ones to decide on having babies ,not only them but their husbands also do have duty on rearing the children up.It is obvious that ,father plays an important role in a family.They provide a considerable source of financial support to feed a family and the children’s education.Furthermore,beside mother,the children also need their father by their side.If mother teach them how to be nice and live harmony with others with her delicacy,father will be the one to make them strong and brave individuals as well as protect them from the outside world.Thus,men should share responsibilities with women in rasing the children.
    From what has been discussed above,I reach a conclusion that father plays an equally important role in a family.Upbringing the children should not be mere taken by the women who solely decide on having babies but men also do because they supply with support in terms of emotion and finance.

  2. #2
    pyoung is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Please review my eassy on parental resposibilites.

    Dear vananh:

    Quote Originally Posted by vananh90 View Post
    Responsibility division The division of responsibilities between parents in rearing the children is one of the most importantSomething is missing here. mexclusively take responsibility over making up their their mind on pregnancy and are also responsible for the upbringing of the children. However, I totally disagree with this idea for the reasons as follows following reasons:

    Once you revise your first paragraph, it will be easier to comment on the rest of your essay.

    For one thing, women are not the only ones to decide such an important matter.Marriage is a serious stuff stemming from close binding between two individuals.Therefore in a family ,husband and wife should talk to each other to decide on whether or not to have babies .It is responsibility of both parents
    For another thing,if women are the only ones to decide on having babies ,not only them but their husbands also do have duty on rearing the children up.It is obvious that ,father plays an important role in a family.They provide a considerable source of financial support to feed a family and the children’s education.Furthermore,beside mother,the children also need their father by their side.If mother teach them how to be nice and live harmony with others with her delicacy,father will be the one to make them strong and brave individuals as well as protect them from the outside world.Thus,men should share responsibilities with women in rasing the children.
    From what has been discussed above,I reach a conclusion that father plays an equally important role in a family.Upbringing the children should not be mere taken by the women who solely decide on having babies but men also do because they supply with support in terms of emotion and finance.
    Also, please note that there should be a space after commas and periods (full stops).
    Petra

  3. #3
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    Re: Please review my eassy on parental resposibilites.


    Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.
    To what extent do you agree or disagree?




    The division of responsibilities between parents in rearing the children is one of the most important factors contributing to maintaining happiness of a family. There are those who hold the belief that women who exclusively take responsibility over making up their their mind on pregnancy are also responsible for the upbringing of the children. However, I totally disagree with this idea for the reasons as follows.


    For one thing, women are not the only ones to decide such an important matter. Marriage is a serious stuff stemming from close binding between two individuals. Therefore in a family, husband and wife should talk to each other to decide on whether or not to have babies . It is responsibility of both parents.


    For another thing, if women are the only ones to decide on having babies , not only them but their husbands also do have duty on rearing the children up. It is obvious that ,father plays an important role in a family. They provide a considerable source of financial support to feed a family and the children’s education. Furthermore, beside mother,the children also need their father by their side. If mother teach them how to be nice and live harmony with others with her delicacy, father will be the one to make them strong and brave individuals as well as protect them from the outside world. Thus, men should share responsibilities with women in rasing the children.

    From what has been discussed above, I reach a conclusion that father plays an equally important role in a family. Upbringing the children should not be mere taken by the women who solely decide on having babies but men also do because they supply with support in terms of emotion and finance.

  4. #4
    pyoung is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Please review my eassy on parental resposibilites.

    Dear vananh:

    Thanks for working so diligently on this writing. Below you will find comments in blue:

    Quote Originally Posted by vananh90 View Post
    Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.
    To what extent do you agree or disagree?




    The division of responsibilities between parents in rearing the children
    Here are several ways to say this:
    The division of responsibilities between parents in the rearing of the children;
    The division of responsibilities between parents in child rearing;
    The division of responsibilities between parents in rearing their children;
    is one of the most important factors contributing to maintaining the happiness of a family. There are those who hold the belief that women, who exclusively take responsibility over making up their their mind on pregnancy, are also responsible for the upbringing of the children.
    NOTE: The commas are important! They change the meaning of the sentence:
    There are those who hold the belief that women, who exclusively take responsibility over making up their their mind on pregnancy, are also responsible for the upbringing of the children. This sentence (with commas) says that it is (all) women who make the decision whether to have children or not.
    This appears to be the meaning that applies to your essay.
    There are those who hold the belief that women who exclusively take responsibility over making up their their mind on pregnancy are also responsible for the upbringing of the children. This sentence (without commas) says that there is one particular group of women who make the decision whether to have children, implying that there is another subset of women who are not in sole charge of this decision-making power.

    However, I totally disagree with this idea for the reasons as follows.



    For one thing, women are not should not be the only ones to decide such an important matter. Marriage is a serious stuff matter, stemming from the close binding between two individuals. Therefore, in a family, husband and wife should talk to each other to decide on whether or not to have babies. It is the responsibility of both parents.


    For another thing, if women are the only ones to decide whether to have babies, not only they, but their husbands also do have the duty of rearing the children up. It is obvious that , a father plays an important role in a family. He provides a considerable source of financial support to feed a family and to provide for the children’s education. Furthermore, besides a mother, the children also need a father by their side. If their mother, with her delicacy, teaches them how to be nice and live in harmony with others with her delicacy, their father will be the one to make them strong and brave individuals as well as protecting them from the outside world. Thus, men should share responsibility with women in raising the children.

    From what has been discussed above, I reach the conclusion that fathers s and mothers play an equally important role in a family. Upbringing The important task of bringing up the children should not be merely taken solely by the women, (who solely decide on having babies I would omit this. You have already argued against women being the only ones who make this decision, and it confuses your main point that the overall responsibility for children is the job of both parents) but by men also, do because (they supply with support in terms of emotion and finance. This seems to limit the father's role. Something more encompassing would go well here, such as: ...because marriage is a partnership and it should be an equal one.)

    Remember: to paraphrase Raymott: There is never a space before a comma or period. There is always a space after a comma or period.
    I hope this is helpful,
    Petra
    Last edited by pyoung; 27-Nov-2009 at 06:56.

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    Re: Please review my eassy on parental resposibilites.

    Quote Originally Posted by pyoung View Post
    Dear vananh:

    Thanks for working so diligently on this writing. Below you will find comments in blue:



    I hope this is helpful,
    Petra
    Thanks a lot for your correction.:)
    I wonder whether my essay go off or is there anything wrong with my idea?

  6. #6
    pyoung is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Please review my eassy on parental resposibilites.

    Quote Originally Posted by vananh90 View Post
    Thanks a lot for your correction.:)
    I wonder whether my essay go off or is there anything wrong with my idea?
    Dear vananh:

    I am not sure what you mean by 'go off.' I don't think there is anything wrong with your ideas.

    Petra

  7. #7
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    Re: Please review my eassy on parental resposibilites.

    Quote Originally Posted by pyoung View Post
    Dear vananh:

    I am not sure what you mean by 'go off.' I don't think there is anything wrong with your ideas.

    Petra
    I'm sorry.I meant if my essay digressed from the topic or not.
    Anyway thank you for your enthusiasm.

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