Also, please note that there should be a space after commas and periods (full stops).
Responsibility divisionThe division of responsibilities between parents in rearing thechildren is one of the most importantSomething is missing here. mexclusively take responsibility over making up their their mind on pregnancy and are also responsible for the upbringing of the children. However, I totally disagree with this idea for the reasons as followsfollowing reasons:
Once you revise your first paragraph, it will be easier to comment on the rest of your essay.
For one thing, women are not the only ones to decide such an important matter.Marriage is a serious stuff stemming from close binding between two individuals.Therefore in a family ,husband and wife should talk to each other to decide on whether or not to have babies .It is responsibility of both parents
For another thing,if women are the only ones to decide on having babies ,not only them but their husbands also do have duty on rearing the children up.It is obvious that ,father plays an important role in a family.They provide a considerable source of financial support to feed a family and the children’s education.Furthermore,beside mother,the children also need their father by their side.If mother teach them how to be nice and live harmony with others with her delicacy,father will be the one to make them strong and brave individuals as well as protect them from the outside world.Thus,men should share responsibilities with women in rasing the children.
From what has been discussed above,I reach a conclusion that father plays an equally important role in a family.Upbringing the children should not be mere taken by the women who solely decide on having babies but men also do because they supply with support in terms of emotion and finance.