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  1. #1
    Ever Student's Avatar
    Ever Student is offline Senior Member
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    Question Seasons and your editting please.

    Hello everybody,
    Would you please look at my passage and give me your advice?

    "Seasons"

    The day before yesterday was cold and yesterday got cool. Today is warm and tomorrow will get hot. Neither the day before yesterday nor tomorrow is the weather in a good temper. Cold was raised from my icy land the day before yesterday and yesterday blew coolness to sheets of ice and carried them near warm today, so they will flow under my feet tomorrow. Here are yesterday and today both bridge from the day before yesterday to tomorrow.

  2. #2
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Re: Seasons and your editting please.

    Who would like to edit my passage?

  3. #3
    konungursvia's Avatar
    konungursvia is offline Key Member
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    Re: Seasons and your editting please.

    "Seasons"

    The day before yesterday it was cold out, and yesterday it cooled down again. Today it is warm, and tomorrow it will get hot. Neither the day before yesterday, nor tomorrow, could find the weather in a good temper. Cold air was raised from my icy land the day before yesterday, when sheets of ice blew coolness and carried it until it becam warm today... so they will flow under my feet tomorrow. Here, yesterday and today both bridge from the day before yesterday to tomorrow.

    Is it poetic? It doesn't always seem logical.

  4. #4
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Re: Seasons and your editting please.

    Thanks for your editing.
    Yes, it does not logical. It is derived from imagination. This passage was too weak, yes?

  5. #5
    konungursvia's Avatar
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    Re: Seasons and your editting please.

    Your lovely work is often stronger.

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