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  1. #1
    lb2009 is offline Newbie
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    Default I need help with revising my essay !!!

    Researchers have been in dispute for many centuries about whether nature or nurture has a stronger influence on early human development. Nature is inherent traits from birth and Nurture is one's environment (physical, cultural, social, and familial) plays in one's physical and psychological identity. This essay will examine the degree to which nurture or nature influence early human development.
    Nurture strongly influences early human development, for many reasons. According to Locke (17th.Century), the mind of a new born infant is a “blank slate”. As the baby experiences and interacts with his world through his or her senses the knowledge become built and is written down on the slate. Examples: seeing, hearing, feeling, touching, tasting and smelling.
    John B. Watson and B.F. Skinner argued that human nature could be flexible and changeable through early training; a child could be turned into an adult regardless of his or her heredity. Examples: Doctor, Lawyer and Artist.
    In addition, Zelazo, Zelazo and Kolb (1972), through recent studies found out that practice or extra stimulation can accelerate the appearance of motor behaviors to some extent. Examples: new born infants have stepping reflexes.
    Speech according to (Kagan, 1979) motivates infants and toddlers to learn to speak a word or a sentence but not until reaching a certain level of neurological development. Example: no infant speaks a sentence within less than a year old.
    Nature, alternatively some researchers believe that it also influences early human development. Charles Darwin’s (1859) theory of evolution highlights on the fact that the biological basis of human development affects heredity.
    At the moment of conception, our genes determine our personal characteristics which programs our growing cells so that we develop into a person rather than a chimpanzee. Example: our sex, color of our skin, eyes, hair and general body size.
    Genetic determinants are expressed in development through the process of maturation. Example: fetus developing in the mother’s body follows an orderly sequence depending on the stage of growth.
    All children go through the same process and same sequence of motor behaviors in the same order. Example: rolling over, crawling and sitting without support.
    Practice and extra stimulation can also accelerate the appearance of motor behaviors. Example: a group of infants were given stepping practice for a few minutes several times a day began walking five to seven weeks earlier than babies who had not had this practice.
    Through the track of normal development, all infants learn to speak, but not until they attain a certain level of neurological development.
    Interaction between nature and nurture play equal important roles in influencing personality traits such as sociability and emotional stability.
    Motor development after birth demonstrates interaction between genetically programmed maturation and environmental influences as for speech development is an example of interaction between genetically determined characteristics and experiences.

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: I need help with revising my essay !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by lb2009 View Post
    Researchers have been in dispute for many centuries about whether nature or nurture has a the stronger influence on early human development. Nature is inherent traits from birth and Nurture is the role one's environment (physical, cultural, social, and familial) plays in one's physical and psychological identity. This essay will examine the degree to which nurture or and nature influence early human development.
    Nurture strongly influences early human development, for many reasons. According to Locke (17th.Century), the mind of a newborn infant is a “blank slate”. As the baby experiences and interacts with his world through his or her senses the knowledge becomes built in and is written down on the slate. Examples: seeing, hearing, feeling, touching, tasting and smelling.
    - You need to be consistent with his/her. You can't change like this in the same sentence. The simplest way to fix this is to talk about "babies".
    - There are five generally accepted senses. feeling = touching. You've listed them all, so you don't need to use "Examples:"


    John B. Watson and B.F. Skinner argued that human nature could be flexible and changeable through early training; a child could be turned into an adult regardless of his or her heredity. Examples: Doctor, Lawyer and Artist.
    - You can't use "Examples:" in this way either, because it's not apparent what they are examples of. I would suggest you give up this habit. You should be writing in sentences. "Examples of this are ..."
    - Also, a child doesn't need to be turned into an adult. They become one spontaneously - through nature.

    In addition, Zelazo, Zelazo and Kolb (1972), through recent studies
    (1972 is 37 years ago) found out that practice or extra stimulation can accelerate the appearance of motor behaviors to some extent. An example of such a behaviour is the stepping reflex of newborns.
    (Again, this is not an example of what you've just said. It's true that newborn infants have stepping reflexes. Are you claiming that this is a behaviour that can be accelerated? If so, it's not what you've said.)

    Speech, according to (Kagan, 1979), motivates infants and toddlers to learn to speak a word or a sentence but not until reaching a certain level of neurological development. For example, no infant speaks a sentence
    within while less than a year old.
    You can use "For example" occasionally, in a sentence, but not at the end of every short paragraph, and only when it's clear what you are giving an example of.

    Nature, alternatively, some researchers believe
    that it also influences early human development. Charles Darwin’s (1859) theory of evolution highlights on the fact that the biological basis of human development affects heredity.
    Hmm, poorly worded.
    At the moment of conception, our genes determine our personal characteristics, which program
    s our growing cells so that we develop into a human rather than a chimpanzee. Example: our sex, color of our skin, eyes, hair and general body size.
    What is this an example of? Chimpanzees also have all these things, so this is not an example of how the genes program our cells so that we develop into a human rather than a chimpanzee. It is an example of how our genes determine our personal characteristics but, as usual, you have not been clear about what you are trying to exemplify.
    Use sentences and say exactly what you mean.

    [Corrected to here]
    Genetic determinants are expressed in development through the process of maturation.
    Example: fetus developing in the mother’s body follows an orderly sequence depending on the stage of growth.
    All children go through the same process and same sequence of motor behaviors in the same order.
    Example: rolling over, crawling and sitting without support.

    Practice and extra stimulation can also accelerate the appearance of motor behaviors.
    Example: a group of infants were given stepping practice for a few minutes several times a day began walking five to seven weeks earlier than babies who had not had this practice.
    Through the track of normal development, all infants learn to speak, but not until they attain a certain level of neurological development.
    Interaction between nature and nurture play equal important roles in influencing personality traits such as sociability and emotional stability.
    Motor development after birth demonstrates interaction between genetically programmed maturation and environmental influences as for speech development is an example of interaction between genetically determined characteristics and experiences.

    A lot of this is poorly worded. You need to think about what you are saying. I don't think it's primarily a problem with the English. It's a logical problem. This is very difficult for some people, but you need to try to concentrate more on writing what you mean.

    And please give up "Example: ...." It won't do you any favours. Try to integrate your illustrations into the paragraph.
    Instead of:
    As the baby experiences and interacts with his world through his or her senses the knowledge becomes built in and is written down on the slate. Examples: seeing, hearing, feeling, touching, tasting and smelling.

    you could write:
    As babies experience and interact with theirworld through their senses - seeing, hearing, touching, tasting and smelling - the knowledge becomes built in and is written down on the slate.

    You will write a more cohesive essay this way.

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