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  1. #1
    hami9293 is offline Newbie
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    Question Is there anyone who rate my writing?

    You have opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit?
    I think if some time it would be available for me to choose between countries among the world as for a two-week travel, I will opt for USA. Despite of political tension of my country- Iran and U.S, I prefer to visit U.S. Aside from America’s unique geographical location, its cultural diversity accompanies several elaborate experiences for me. On the other hand the exclusive position of U.S in academic affairs and my decision to apply for a suburb university encourage me that America is the ultimate choice.
    U.S.A has combined from almost 56 states and each state’s community is unique and incomparable with another one’s. Seeing and probing into beliefs, customs and races of inhabitant of each state that is probably different and even incompatible, will actually learn me valuable things.
    The geographical location of the country, its vicinity to big oceans, its disparate climatic condition for example sultry days in Chicago or frigid Alaska’s nights really absorb any tourist’s attention.
    And finally the most consequential reason is its academic position in comparison to other countries even modern ones. Visiting well-known universities, colleges and scientific committees, talking with eminent professors and students give me useful information that which university is the best for me.
    Briefly I believe that western culture seems to be bizarre and peculiar for eastern. Also weather condition, people’s hospitality is important to make up my mind. When I juxtapose these reasons and my decision to continue education in a first rate university I find the U.S as the best offer.

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is online now VIP Member
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    Re: Is there anyone who rate my writing?

    Quote Originally Posted by hami9293 View Post
    You have opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit?
    I think if some time it would be available for me to choose between countries among the world as for a two-week travel, I would opt for USA.
    This is conditional: If ... would ...
    Despite of political tension of my country between our countries - Iran and U.S, I prefer to visit U.S. Aside from America’s unique geographical location, its cultural diversity accompanies several elaborate experiences for me. On the other hand the exclusive position of U.S in academic affairs
    What is exclusive about academic affairs in the US?
    and my decision to apply for a suburb university encourage me that America is the ultimate choice.
    U.S.A has combined from almost 56 states [You should find out how many states there are. This doesn't sound good in an essay] and each state’s community is unique and incomparable with another one’s. Seeing and probing into beliefs, customs and races of inhabitant of each state that is probably different and even incompatible, will actually learn teach me valuable things.
    The geographical location of the country, its vicinity to big oceans, its disparate climatic condition, for example sultry days in Chicago or frigid Alaska’s nights really absorb any tourist’s attention.
    And finally the most consequential reason is its academic position in comparison to other countries, even modern ones. Visiting well-known universities, colleges and scientific committees, talking with eminent professors and students give me useful information that which university is the best for me.
    Briefly I believe that western culture seems to be bizarre and peculiar for eastern people. Also weather condition, people’s hospitality is important to make up my mind. When I juxtapose these reasons and my decision to continue education in a first rate university I find the U.S as the best offer.
    I've only corrected a few of your more important errors.
    It's generally understandable.
    14/20 from me.

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