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  1. #1
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    Talking how can i improve it?? ^__^

    dear teachers and students and others this is my essay, hope thay you can find any error and fix it.. i am going to write an ILTES exam very soon.. look at it and tell me how i can improve it.??.....Thaaanx

    Manu people believe that advertisement has a negative effect on the people life. However, others feel that it can enhance or improve the existing lifestyle. In this essay I will look at some of the arguments for and against the advertising issue.
    There are many reasons why people feel that the advertisements are a bad issue. Firstly, it is always causing a bad influence in the people’s life. For example, some advertisements give the people an unethical image in order to attract them and gain their interests. One more reason for the people to against the idea of the advertisements is that it gives a good value of an invaluable thing. For instance, some restaurants such as Macdonals giving a good image of their fast food and that attracting the people to eat more fast food and affects their health.
    On the other hand many people disagree with this view and some of the most objections are as follows. First and for most the advertisements is a good way to tell the people about the new items that just been released on the markets. In addition it is a good way to improve any business. For example, any business man wants his item to be popular and be sold successfully he have to do some advertisements for his item. Last but not least, advertisements is a way of attracting the people specially if it is showing a valuable advice such as, the bad effect of smoking and taking drags and make the people aware of its influence on the community and the world.
    In conclusion I believe that the advantages of the advertisements outweigh its disadvantages for the reasons that I have been mentioned above, as I have said it is a way of enhancing the people’s life. This is however a personal view and doesn’t negate the other opinion, which as we have seen has some merit.

  2. #2
    Linguist__ is offline Senior Member
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    Re: how can i improve it?? ^__^

    (Not a teacher)

    Quote Originally Posted by Asayel View Post
    dear teachers and students and others this is my essay, hope thay you can find any error and fix it.. i am going to write an ILTES exam very soon.. look at it and tell me how i can improve it.??.....Thaaanx

    Many people believe that advertisements have a negative effect on people's lives. However, others feel that it can enhance or improve their existing lifestyle. In this essay I will look at some of the arguments for and against the advertising issue.
    There are many reasons why people feel that [removed the] advertisements are a bad issue. Firstly, it is always causing a bad influence on people's lives. For example, some advertisements give [removed the] people an unethical image in order to attract them and gain their interest[removed '-s']. One more reason for [removed the] people to be/go against the idea of [removed the] advertisements is that it gives a good value of an invaluable thing. For instance, some restaurants such as McDonalds give a good image of their fast food and this attracts people to eat more fast food and affects their health.
    On the other hand many people disagree with this view and some [removed 'of the most'] objections are as follows. First and foremost, [removed 'the'] advertisements are a good way to tell [removed 'the'] people about the new items that have just been released on the market[removed '-s']. In addition it is a good way to improve any business. For example, if any businessperson wants his/her item to be popular and be sold successfully he will have to do some advertising for his/her item. Last but not least, advertisements are a way of attracting [removed 'the'] people specially if it is showing [removed 'a'] valuable advice such as, the bad effect of smoking and taking drugs and making [removed 'the'] people aware of its influence on the community and the world.
    In conclusion I believe that the advantages of [removed 'the'] advertisements outweigh its disadvantages for the reasons that I have [removed been] mentioned above, as I have said it is a way of enhancing [removed 'the'] people's lives. This is however a personal view and doesn’t negate the other opinion, which as we have seen has some merit.
    There are some punctuation problems that I haven't corrected because it doesn't have much to do with English.

    You seem to put 'the' in where it isn't needed. If you are talking about a noun in general - all advertisements, or all people - then you don't use the definate article.

    Also, I changed businessman to businessperson, and added 'his/her'. This is more a personal thing than a correct thing. But I think writing has stopped being gender-specific as far as possible.

  3. #3
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    Re: how can i improve it?? ^__^

    Quote Originally Posted by Linguist__ View Post
    There are some punctuation problems that I haven't corrected because it doesn't have much to do with English.
    <gasp> I hope you mean that the punctuation errors that you didn't correct have no bearing on the meaning, rather than what you said.

  4. #4
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    Re: how can i improve it?? ^__^

    Quote Originally Posted by Linguist__ View Post
    (Not a teacher)



    There are some punctuation problems that I haven't corrected because it doesn't have much to do with English.

    You seem to put 'the' in where it isn't needed. If you are talking about a noun in general - all advertisements, or all people - then you don't use the definate article.

    Also, I changed businessman to businessperson, and added 'his/her'. This is more a personal thing than a correct thing. But I think writing has stopped being gender-specific as far as possible.
    Hi!
    I'm not a teacher.

    "In conclusion I believe that the advantages of [removed 'the'] advertisements outweigh its disadvantages... "

    What about the possessive adjective "its" in the sentence, is it correct here or should it be replaced by the plural "their"?

  5. #5
    Linguist__ is offline Senior Member
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    Re: how can i improve it?? ^__^

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    <gasp> I hope you mean that the punctuation errors that you didn't correct have no bearing on the meaning, rather than what you said.
    What I meant was that punctuation exists in other languages, and often is very similar, and when (s)he asked to check I assumed it was mainly for obvious mistakes in grammar/spelling. Although, I realised after that his/her native language is Arabic, so I'd imagine the punctuation isn't so similar. But I corrected the most important things.

    If the original poster wants punctuation corrected too, let us know.

    "In conclusion I believe that the advantages of [removed 'the'] advertisements outweigh its disadvantages... "

    What about the possessive adjective "its" in the sentence, is it correct here or should it be replaced by the plural "their"?
    Yes, you are correct. The trouble I was having throughout that whole essay was that I kept wondering if it should be 'advertisements' or 'advertising'. I feel saying 'the advantages of advertising outweigh its disadvantages' sounds 'better'. Not because it is more correct, but just because the essay seems to be talking about advertising as a medium.

    Anyways, yes. Change 'its' to 'theirs' if you are sticking with advertisements.

    [Edit] I just realised that there are more of hese errors. 'it is a way of enhancing...' should be 'they are a way of enhancing...'. I guess I really was thinking of this as being advertising, rather than advertisements.

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    Re: how can i improve it?? ^__^

    thaaaaaaaanks alot linguist for your help..i got all what you say
    you are right, the punctuation is not a big deal..i am just worring about the grammer and spilling..
    any ways,, thanks again

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    Re: how can i improve it?? ^__^

    thaaaaanks Raymott your question is helpful..

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    Re: how can i improve it?? ^__^

    thanks Omasata :)

  9. #9
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    Re: how can i improve it?? ^__^

    Quote Originally Posted by Asayel View Post
    thaaaaaaaanks alot linguist for your help..i got all what you say
    you are right, the punctuation is not a big deal..i am just worring about the grammer and spilling..
    any ways,, thanks again
    Yes you,, demonstrate - well your opinion of. The importance..of punctuation?

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