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  1. #1
    Mr Burrell Guest

    Question My Current Essay

    Hi guys.

    I'm currently doing an essay on American street gangs specifically on the Crips. The first paragraph has been completed to a standard in which I'm happy with but I would like your opinion on my piece.

    " The Modern Plague




    There is an ever growing problem which plagues the streets of every major city throughout the world, one which has became so common that its socially acceptable in the world today. So accepted that most people dont even know how much of a problem it really is. This problem is the root of nearly all organised and disorganised crime. During this piece of writing I will attempt to give you an insight into the world gangs focusing mainly on the Crips. Which over the past four decades has risen to become one of the largest, most notorious gangs on American soil. "



    I've already worked out a structure in which i will follow, which will be written below.

    Introduction - Complete
    History Of Gangs - Not Complete
    In depth look at the Crips history - Not Complete
    What problems the crips are cause today - Not Complete
    What is being done to address this problem - Not complete
    Conclusion - Not Complete


    Now i'm only 15 years old and this essay is for my portfolio so any Guidance/spelling and grammar tips would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    TheParser is offline VIP Member
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    Re: My Current Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Burrell View Post
    Hi guys.

    I'm currently doing an essay on American street gangs specifically on the Crips. The first paragraph has been completed to a standard in which I'm happy with but I would like your opinion on my piece.

    " The Modern Plague




    There is an ever growing problem which plagues the streets of every major city throughout the world, one which has became so common that its socially acceptable in the world today. So accepted that most people dont even know how much of a problem it really is. This problem is the root of nearly all organised and disorganised crime. During this piece of writing I will attempt to give you an insight into the world gangs focusing mainly on the Crips. Which over the past four decades has risen to become one of the largest, most notorious gangs on American soil. "



    I've already worked out a structure in which i will follow, which will be written below.

    Introduction - Complete
    History Of Gangs - Not Complete
    In depth look at the Crips history - Not Complete
    What problems the crips are cause today - Not Complete
    What is being done to address this problem - Not complete
    Conclusion - Not Complete


    Now i'm only 15 years old and this essay is for my portfolio so any Guidance/spelling and grammar tips would be appreciated.
    *** NOT A TEACHER *** Your paragraph is very good. May I make just a few suggestions? (1) I would not use the phrase "disorganized crime." I think some people would find it a bit humorous. Maybe something like "ordinary street crime" might be helpful. (2) I'm pretty sure most writing teachers would suggest that you not use unnecessary words such as "During this piece of writing." (3) Finally, may I change your last sentence a bit: I will give an insight into the gangs of the world, focusing mainly on the Crips. They have become one of the largest and most notorious gangs on American soil.

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