Your essay was extremely hard to understand. You had many random words that were in it. Your grammar is horrendous. However, your essay had some good ideas if I understood it correctly.
- Mediolan, Parise is...?
- What are immovables?
Most people have dream about becoming rich, however, the quickest and most simple way of achieving that is winning lotteries. The prize will allow us to realize our dreams.
If I have a good chance of winning the lotteries, I would be the happiest girl in the world! Even if I win the lottery, I'll still realize who I am and have good sense.
After I win the lottery, I would then pursue my dreams. First, I would use the money to buy a house with a huge garden and a pool. I know for certain that I would also spend a few days shopping in [Mediolan, Parise] with my best friend.
Secondly, I will take a tour around the world. While I do so, I would invest some of my money into the world of fashion, and celebrities. I might even open up my own exclusive restaurant if I have such a huge amount of money. I think winning the lottery would give me a great opportunity to meet many interesting and famous people.
Of course, having too much of anything would lead to trouble. If I win the lottery, I might be at risk from envious people who might want to steal from me. Some might even pretend to be my friend! It might also lead to worse things, such as theft, abduction, or demanding a ransom.
In my opinion, winning the lottery assures a sufficient life but also places it in jeopardy. Nevertheless, a luxurious life always tempts everyone, including me.
Comments about Fixed Essay
I tried to fix your essay as best as possible, keeping to the theme. I had to change some parts of it such as deleting the part of the "immovables" and completely change the grammar and wording.
Your essay: 3/10
Fixed essay: 7/10
Good luck and I hope you can go back to Russia!
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