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  1. #1
    sujujun is offline Newbie
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    Default can someone please correct and give suggestions for my essay

    My grammar is really bad so can someone please kindly correct my essay THANK YOU so much

    My life in America

    I grew up in a small town in the southern part of China. I never thought about leaving my country or even the small town that I grew up. It was until 2005 that everything turned up side down in my life- that year I immigrated to America with my family. To my family, America is the land of opportunity and happiness. From the time when the plane landed on the American soil, I know that this is the place where I have to start a new life. Everything in America seems so strange to me: the streets, the people, and the language. I had a difficult time adapting to the American culture, especially the language; I did not know how to speak one word of English when I first came to America. In school, I listened to the teachers with confusion and there was no one around that I can ask for help. So the first goal that I set for myself is to try my best to learn English. English was a very challenging language and I had a very difficult time learning it, however, my hard works did pay off. I was able to communicate with others in less than a year. After knowing how to speak English, my life becomes easier. I begin to make friends in school and have more confidence in myself.

    Follow by my elementary school graduation, high school was another big challenge for me. My parents view education as the key to a successful future and they have high hopes and expectations for me because I am the oldest child in the family. I told myself that it is very important for me to get accepted into a good high school because I don’t want my parents to be disappointed and lost hope in me. I was filled with joys when I received my acceptance letter from the high school of my choice because I did not let my parents down and I feel proud of myself. High school is the place where I learned more about the American cultures and started to appreciate it. I went to a very diverse school, where I had the opportunity to meet people from different countries and cultures. I met friends who do not view the world the same way as I do and under their influences I started to become more open and to accept ideas that I never would agree with if I was in my own country. I remember one time I had a small argument with my mom about that a proper girl should not go out too often and must be obedient in the family. I did not agree with her and told her that this is America and it is a free country, girls have the right to choose what they wanted to do and be whatever they wanted to be. My mom was so shock by what I said and asks me where I learned these words from. I did not reply back to her and knew that I was becoming a different person; I’m the obedient girl anymore because I started to have my own individual thoughts about different situations. I became more independent and make decisions for myself instead of letting my parents plan out my life.

    Moving from China to American was an unforgettable event in my life. This experience changed me in many ways and taught me many valuable lessons. It changed the way I perceive the world and the way of thinking. It taught me that everyone is unique in different ways and that some times it is difficult to accept a change in life but not all changes are bad. Time has passed by so quickly, now that I had almost completed my high school journey and it is times for me go a college, a place where can help me become the person that I wanted to be in life.
    Last edited by sujujun; 21-Dec-2009 at 02:18.

  2. #2
    hispanic911 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: can someone please correct and give suggestions for my essay

    My life in America

    I grew up in a small town in southern China. I never thought about leaving my country nor the small town in which I grew up. (What is IT)It was until 2005 that everything turned up side down in my life because my family migrated to America. To my family, America is the land of opportunities and (freedom).When the plane was landed, I was exited. My life would change because I was in American soil. Everything in America was strange to me: the streets, the people, and the language.



    Try cutting down unnecessary words and watch for (independent sentences and complex sentences) use your conjunctions, and coordination correctly. The ideas in your story are excellent, but i want you to use more description. An example, with details "The American plane landed in the yellow pathway in California Airport. Good luck and always remember (practice, practice, practice)
    I had a difficult time adapting to the American culture, especially the language; I did not know how to speak one word of English when I first came to America. In school, I listened to the teachers with confusion and there was no one around that I can ask for help. So the first goal that I set for myself is to try my best to learn English. English was a very challenging language and I had a very difficult time learning it, however, my hard works did pay off. I was able to communicate with others in less than a year. After knowing how to speak English, my life becomes easier. I begin to make friends in school and have more confidence in myself.

    Follow by my elementary school graduation, high school was another big challenge for me. My parents view education as the key to a successful future and they have high hopes and expectations for me because I am the oldest child in the family. I told myself that it is very important for me to get accepted into a good high school because I donít want my parents to be disappointed and lost hope in me. I was filled with joys when I received my acceptance letter from the high school of my choice because I did not let my parents down and I feel proud of myself. High school is the place where I learned more about the American cultures and started to appreciate it. I went to a very diverse school, where I had the opportunity to meet people from different countries and cultures. I met friends who do not view the world the same way as I do and under their influences I started to become more open and to accept ideas that I never would agree with if I was in my own country. I remember one time I had a small argument with my mom about that a proper girl should not go out too often and must be obedient in the family. I did not agree with her and told her that this is America and it is a free country, girls have the right to choose what they wanted to do and be whatever they wanted to be. My mom was so shock by what I said and asks me where I learned these words from. I did not reply back to her and knew that I was becoming a different person; Iím the obedient girl anymore because I started to have my own individual thoughts about different situations. I became more independent and make decisions for myself instead of letting my parents plan out my life.

    Moving from China to American was an unforgettable event in my life. This experience changed me in many ways and taught me many valuable lessons. It changed the way I perceive the world and the way of thinking. It taught me that everyone is unique in different ways and that some times it is difficult to accept a change in life but not all changes are bad. Time has passed by so quickly, now that I had almost completed my high school journey and it is times for me go a college, a place where can help me become the person that I wanted to be in life.

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