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  1. #1
    Elsee is offline Newbie
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    Pls help check my essay

    Hi~~ I wrote an essay for preparing my TOEFL test. It is a little difficult to me~The topic is "do u support or opposite the plan that building a new restaurant in the neighborhood". I will appreciate a lot if someone could help me check my essay. Thank you so much~~


    Here is my essay(447words a little long):

    New proposals, for the developments of the community such as buiding a new restaurant frequently become a controversial issue due to each of their tremendous effects on our neighborhood. Although it may be hard to deny that a new restaurant will bring noises to our community, more or less disturb the quiet life in the neighborhood, a new restaurant can also benefit our community in a variaty of ways—It can improve the way people live by serving more conveniences, can contribute to economic growth and development of the whole community by offering more job opportunities and promoting revenues of the local government, it also can help build healthier community spirit by providing a nice place for people to communicate.

    Up till now, we do not have a restaurant in our community. The most nearest restaurant nereby is a thirty-minutes walk way. It is very inconvenient for us to go for dinner. Nowadays, most people live a busy life. After a day’s work, it would be so tiring for people to shop for groceries, prepare dinners and clean up after a meal. If we have a restaurant right here in our community, more people will be saved from tedious household work as they can eat out two or three times a week, which will help them both get a real rest and enjoy their leisure time with their families.

    A new restaurant will absolutely provide more job opportunities--chefs, waites, accountants, managers, as well as electricians, plumbers, carpenters that will be needed to build the new restaurant. Undoubtedly, such positions will be drawn from local people in our community. In today’s increasingly competitive job market, a new restaurant will greatly help solve employment problems in our neighborhood by providing full or part time jobs for almost thirty families. Moreover, the local government’s revenues will increase since the new restaurant will pay a large amount of taxes each year to the government. With more revenues, the government will build more public facilities to serve people in our community, which directly improve the quality of people’s lives.

    Finally, a restaurant can offer a nice place for people to gather and talk in. Although there are several street side food stands in our community, there is still no place for people to sit and talk in. A new restaurant will provide a public space for people to meet friends. In the restaurant, old friendship will be strengthen while new friendship will be forged. When one knows his or her neighbors well, one can easily ask for favors or opinions on community issues, thus a sense of community can be fostered, which will be of great benefit to the whole neighborhood.

  2. #2
    Linguist__ is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Pls help check my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Elsee View Post
    Hi~~ I wrote an essay for preparing my TOEFL test. It is a little difficult to me~The topic is "do u support or opposite the plan that building a new restaurant in the neighborhood". I will appreciate a lot if someone could help me check my essay. Thank you so much~~


    Here is my essay(447words a little long):

    New proposals, for the developments of the community, such as buiding a new restaurant, frequently become a controversial issue due to each of their tremendous effects on our neighborhood. Although it may be hard to deny that a new restaurant will bring noise to our community and more or less disturb the quiet life in the neighborhood, a new restaurant can also benefit our community in a variety of ways. It can improve the way people live by offering more conveniences; it can contribute to the economic growth and development of the whole community by offering more job opportunities and promoting revenues of the local government; it can also help build healthier community spirit by providing a nice place for people to communicate.

    Up till now, we do not have a restaurant in our community. The most nearest restaurant nereby is a thirty-minutes walk away. It is very inconvenient for us to go for dinner. Nowadays, most people live a busy life. After a day’s work, it would be so tiring for people to shop for groceries, prepare dinners and clean up after a meal. If we have a restaurant right here in our community, more people will be saved from tedious household work as they can eat out two or three times a week, which will help them both get a real rest and enjoy their leisure time with their families.

    A new restaurant will absolutely provide more job opportunities--chefs, waiters, accountants, managers, as well as electricians, plumbers, carpenters that will be needed to build the new restaurant. Undoubtedly, such positions will be drawn from local people in our community. In today’s increasingly competitive job market, a new restaurant will greatly help solve employment problems in our neighborhood by providing full- or part-time jobs for almost thirty families. Moreover, the local government’s revenues will increase since the new restaurant will pay a large amount of taxes each year to the government. With more revenues, the government will build more public facilities to serve people in our community, which will/may/could directly improve the quality of people’s lives.

    Finally, a restaurant can offer a nice place for people to gather and talk in. Although there are several street-side food stands in our community, there is still no place for people to sit and talk in. A new restaurant will provide a public space for people to meet friends. In the restaurant, old friendships will be strengthened while new friendships will be forged. When one knows his or her neighbors well, one can easily ask for favors or opinions on community issues, thus a sense of community can be fostered, which will be of great benefit to the whole neighborhood.
    (Not a teacher)

    That is all I can see. 'Revenues' might be singular, I don't know enough about tax to know when it should be 'revenue' and when it should be 'revenues'.

  3. #3
    Elsee is offline Newbie
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    Re: Pls help check my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Linguist__ View Post
    (Not a teacher)

    That is all I can see. 'Revenues' might be singular, I don't know enough about tax to know when it should be 'revenue' and when it should be 'revenues'.
    Thank you so much for your help. I googled and I saw both "government revenue" and "government revenues". This really confuses me. And I do not quite understand the distinction between "tax" and "taxes" when they used as nouns.

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