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    new2grammar's Avatar
    new2grammar is offline Senior Member
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    Default A script kindly check my writing style

    A man enter the sales office of a new constructed building, a lady at the receptionist desk ask him, ‘Hello sir, how may I help you?’ ‘I want to see the sales executive,’ replies man. ‘Sure, please have a sit, you shall be attended shortly ‘Man makes himself comfortable on sofa, soon he sees a man in black towering him. Adjusting his tie sales executive says, ‘hello, Mr….’ ‘Mark.. Mr. Mark here’, man continued. ‘Let’s go to my cabin Mr. Mark.’ Sure, and he follows him to his cabin. ‘Please take a sit, shall I order tea or coffee for you.’ No thanks,’ comes back reply instantly. Sales executive opens drawer, takes out brouchure and open spread it on the table and starts describing the flat lay-out and all other details. I am not here to buy a flat, but a whole wing, man says with a great attitude in its tone, as if he is buying whole city. Air of stillness surrounded the sales executive and then he says, ‘you want to buy a whole wing,’ voice filled with a sudden bewilderness. ‘Yes your heard it right,’ so you also provide a finance assistance, if I am not wrong?’ man asks. ‘yes, but what would you mortgage for the loan? Enquiries sales executive. The whole wing, which I brought a moment before.

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    sarat_106 is offline Key Member
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    Exclamation Re: A script kindly check my writing style

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    A man enters the sales office of a newly constructed building, a lady at the receptionist desk asks him, ‘Hello sir, how can (may) I help you?’ ‘I want to see the sales executive,’ replies man. ‘Sure, please have your (a) sit, you shall be attended shortly’ utters the lady with a smile. The man makes himself comfortable on the sofa, soon he sees a man in black with a towering personality, approaching him. Adjusting his tie the sales executive says, ‘hello, Mr. Mark.. how are you/(Mr. Mark) what brings you here’, the man/sales executive continued. ‘Let’s go to my cabin Mr. Mark.’ ‘Sure,’ and he follows him to his cabin. ‘Please take a sit, shall I order tea or coffee for you.’ No thanks,’ comes back reply instantly. The sales executive opens the drawer, takes out a brochure, (and) spreads it open on the table and starts describing the flat’s lay-out and all other details. ‘I am not here to buy a flat, but the (a) whole wing,’ the man says/retorts with a great attitude/ sobriety in its tone, as if he is buying a whole city. An air of stillness surrounded the sales executive and then he says, ‘you want to buy the whole wing!the voice filled with a sudden bewilderedness. ‘Yes you have (r) heard it right, and (so) you also provide (a) financial assistance, if I am not wrong?’ the man asks. ‘yes, but what would you mortgage for the loan? Enquiries the sales executive. “The whole wing, which I brought a moment before.” responds the man.
    Delete words in brackets. Use alternate wotds such as retorts, sobriety etc.

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