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  1. #1
    skynet0512 is offline Newbie
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    Smile Please check my essay if possible :)

    In fact, I just need to have some sentences checked. Hence, if possible, find mistakes in those below sentences:

    Topic : environment protection

    ....
    It is my conviction that citizens should share the burden of environment with their administration instead of merely shifting the responsibility for them. It appears that citizens are in most parts accountable for environmental issues because an annual large amount of garbage , according to scientific surveys, derives from households, not only from big factories. Hence, some simple manners such as putting the rubbish into bins or classifying them into categories in the light of their chemical features, which are biodegradable and non-biodegradable elements, will lessen the pressure on cleaners who have to collect massive amount of waste everyday. By this way, each individual is totally able to contribute to reduce environmental devastation

    ....
    Is that OK ?
    Last edited by skynet0512; 02-Jan-2010 at 19:12.

  2. #2
    greenisgood is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Please check my essay if possible :)

    Quote Originally Posted by skynet0512 View Post
    In fact, I just need to have some sentences checked. Hence, if possible, find mistakes in those below sentences:

    Topic : environment protection

    ....
    It is my conviction that citizens should share the burden of environment with their administration instead of merely shifting the responsibility for them. It appears that citizens are in most parts accountable for environmental issues because an annual large amount of garbage , according to scientific surveys, derives from households, not only from big factories. Hence, some simple manners such as putting the rubbish into bins or classifying them into categories in the light of their chemical features, which are biodegradable and non-biodegradable elements, will lessen the pressure on cleaners who have to collect massive amount of waste everyday. By this way, each individual is totally able to contribute to reduce environmental devastation

    ....
    Is that OK ?

    I believe "individual citizens" should share the burden of environmental protection instead of simply attributing the entire responsibility to the administration. According to scientific survey results, the majority of the waste generated annually comes from individual citizens and not big factories. People can begin sharing the environmental responsibilities by cultivating eco-friendly personal habits. Such habits include using garbage bins, avoiding littering in public places, and sorting waste by biodegradable or recycle bins. The degree to which citizens adopt these eco-friendly practices determines the effectiveness with which administration performs overall waste management. The more people cooperate towards forming a greener society, the easier it would be for all of us to protect and conserve our environment.

    Thus, individual citizen behavior significantly impacts the overall environmental protection efforts.

    Notes:
    1. Note the highlights in bold.
    2. Avoid long sentences. If are having to use more than one comma, you may need to break it into two sentences.

    Last edited by greenisgood; 05-Jan-2010 at 13:55.

  3. #3
    skynet0512 is offline Newbie
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    Talking Re: Please check my essay if possible :)

    I see that

    shift the responsibility for smb --> more common than attribute the responsibility

    and


    According to scientific survey results -> seems not right ( no similar result from google :D)


    Thanks anyway :P
    anyone can help me, plz

  4. #4
    greenisgood is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Please check my essay if possible :)

    Quote Originally Posted by skynet0512 View Post
    I see that

    shift the responsibility for smb --> more common than attribute the responsibility

    and


    According to scientific survey results -> seems not right ( no similar result from google :D)


    Thanks anyway :P
    anyone can help me, plz
    Check out

    "scientific survey results" - Google Search

    If you don't want to sound boring using what others use, try these variations:

    The results of a scientific survey suggest ....
    Results based on a scientific survey show that ...
    A scientific survey concluded that ...

    Similarly, refer "ascribe responsibility" - Google Search

    Other interesting variations you can try:

    attribute responsibility
    assign responsibility
    impute .... to administration
    Last edited by greenisgood; 06-Jan-2010 at 15:06.

  5. #5
    skynet0512 is offline Newbie
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    Thumbs up Re: Please check my essay if possible :)

    thanks so much indeed
    you're so kind ^^

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