Topic: What should a government do for a country to become successful?
The government, as the head of a country, plays a key role in country developing, and its decision affects the society broadly.. In my opinion, in order to lead a country to success, the government should strictly achieve the following goals: anti-corruption, economic improvement and social benefits increase.
First, the government can not be strong if any corruption. Not only does the bribe harm the society, but it also causes financial loss.. Furthermore, it loses all prestige by citizens that leads to political instability such as terrorism and organized criminal. However, all these mentioned problems are only the internal matters, in external point of view this kind of country is easy to intervene or event defeat through its own bad governors. (I really don't get it, try paraphrasing the sentence) Eventually, the corrupted government will end up in failures in all areas.
Secondly, the governors should put more effort into economy growth as the ground for achieving the country’s strength. Unlike poor countries, rich ones have more chances of independently making resolutions on the basis of financial resources that could be invested in education, employment, army and many other areas. Never put ellipsis when writing an essay.
Last but not least, to maximize social prestige, the government should improve the social benefits system in terms of increasing the level of subsidy and public health that is of the huge importance for citizens.. This investment contributes to the level of living standards.
Don't start the conclusion with TO SUM UP. All above mentioned goals are closely related and one can affects the other and vice versa. Therefore, the government should deploy all 3 projects thoroughly at the same time to ensure the greatest success.
I like your essay. You really know how it should be organized. The main ideas from your introduction have been elaborated, and the conclusion is also connected with the general statement. Great job.
As far as your grammar is concerned, it's not bad. However you should try to improve it. Also pay attention to your vocabulary.