I need a opinion on my motivation letter and some help Thanks

Status
Not open for further replies.

felipe2121

New member
Joined
Jan 14, 2010
Member Type
Other
Hi, everyone


I am fluent in english speaking and writing however I have never been good at expressing my thoughts and motives through writing, below is the task and the motivation letter that I have writen, it would be great if someone could help me out to make this letter better and to get a opinion on the one I already wrote and to make changes as needed. Your help is greatly appreciated.




Task:In the text, please point out:
  • give an overview of your objectives and motives to study Business Administration;
  • explain why you choose the University of Tartu as a study place;
  • describe linkages between your previous studies and/or if relevant also of your work experience and the programme of Business Administration;
  • describe your career perspectives after completing the programme of Business Administration;
  • provide other relevant information that you consider we should know about you or your studies.
In evaluation, the following criteria will be considered:
  • argumentation skills in describing the objectives and motives to study in the programme (max 15 points);
  • linkages between earlier studies and/or work experience and the Business Administration programme (max 5 points);
  • fluency of written English (max 5 points).
My letter:

[SIZE=+0]TARTU ÜLIKOOL [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+0]UNIVERSITY OF TARTU [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+0]International Student Service [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+0]Ülikooli 18, Tartu 50090 [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+0]Estonia[/SIZE]

[SIZE=+0]January 10, 2010 [/SIZE]

[SIZE=+0]Dear Sir or Madam: [/SIZE]


[SIZE=+0]I am writing to apply for the Bachelor of Arts in Social Sciences - Business Administration.[/SIZE]


[SIZE=+0]I am motivated to study at the University of Tartu because it will further my career as an investment banker. Aside from that, I chose to apply to the University of Tartu for a few different reasons. The University offers me a specialization module for finance and accounting which would allow me to learn more about my career. I was impressed to find out about the infrastructure of the university more importantly the University of Tartu’s library which happens to be one of the largest research locations in Estonia. I was also reluctant to find out that the University is partnered with several different partner universities in 18 different countries, and it has a high success rate for employment. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+0]In 2005, I completed my secondary education in Las Vegas, NV USA. As a result of my secondary education I began an internship with a prestigious bank. The internship that I was involved with allowed me to gain both communication and financial skills. Currently, I am self-employed as a business owner in the financial services industry. I provide my clients with financial products ranging from insurance to investment tools. The main skill that I have acquired from being self employed is leadership. Throughout my life I have traveled to many different countries with my parents. It has helped me to develop an overall understanding for different cultures; because of this I am fluent in German, Spanish, English and Italian. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+0]After completing the Bachelor of Arts[/SIZE][SIZE=+0], I plan to continue my education and obtain a Masters Degree in Business Administration. I chose to apply for the Business Administration degree because it is my goal to achieve the theoretical and practical education needed to further my career in the international financial sector.[/SIZE]



[SIZE=+0]With the assistance of the University of Tartu, I am confident that the [/SIZE][SIZE=+0]Bachelor of Arts in Social Sciences - Business Administration[/SIZE][SIZE=+0] will provide me the knowledge and confidence to realize my dreams.[/SIZE]


[SIZE=+0]Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+0]Sincerely yours, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+0]Philipp M P.[/SIZE]
 

felipe2121

New member
Joined
Jan 14, 2010
Member Type
Other
Thank you so much for your reply, I kinda thought that paragraphs were short, any more input is greatly appreciated.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top