Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    san2612 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
      • Home Country:
      • Vietnam
      • Current Location:
      • Vietnam
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    256
    Post Thanks / Like

    Please help me with the Toefl essay

    Topic : The expression “Never, never give up” means to keep trying and never stop working for your goals. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    It is said that “The winner is not the one who never gets a failure but the one who never gives up”. With the same meaning, the expression “Never, never give up” encourages us to keep trying and never stop working for our goals, especially when the goals have become our aspirations, we should try our best.

    Everyone in this world has their own ambitions and targets and they work towards those targets in fulfilling them. When having realized their aims, people works hard to achieve it. For example, with the dream of following art career, Maxim Gorky always read, studied feverishly and expended his strength in every possible manner. He then successfully became a great writer and at last, worked as head of the Writer's Union. This is the evidence that people can succeed if they put great effort on their goals.

    Truly, life is not always smooth. When working for your goals, you can get exhausted and nearly surrender, like a person running alone in a long road and searching for the target unsuccessfully, but if he goes back, he will not know where the road will lead to. At that situation, you should not give up your goals, or you will later regret that you had not tried hard enough to achieve what you were able to do.

    “Never, never give up” is a very meaningful slogan to each of us to inspire us to perseveringly catch our achievement. All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. This is the way life goes on.


  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Australia
      • Current Location:
      • Australia
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    20,225
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please help me with the Toefl essay

    Quote Originally Posted by san2612 View Post
    Topic : The expression “Never, never give up” means to keep trying and never stop working for your goals. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    It is said that “The winner is not the one who never gets has a failure but the one who never gives up”. With the same a similar meaning, [surely not "the same" meaning] the expression “Never, never give up” encourages us to keep trying and never stop working for our goals, especially when the goals have become our aspirations, we should try our best.
    You've used "especially when the goals have become our aspirations"
    as the end of one sentence and the beginning of another. You should reword this.


    Everyone in this world has their own ambitions and targets and they work towards those targets in fulfilling them. When having realized their aims, people works hard to achieve it. [You've just said that]
    For example, w
    ith the dream of following an art career, Maxim Gorky always read, studied feverishly and expended his strength in every possible manner. [Are you sure he expended his strength in every possible manner? Did he wrestle Polar Bears?]
    He then successfully became a great writer and, at last, [two commas here, or none] worked as head of the Writer's Union. This is
    the evidence that people can succeed if they put great effort on into their goals.

    Truly, life is not always smooth. When working for your goals, you can get exhausted and nearly surrender, like a person running alone in on a long road and searching for the target unsuccessfully, but if he goes back, he will not know where the road will lead to. [Awkward sentence]
    At that situation, you should not give up your goals, or you will later regret that you had not tried hard enough to achieve what you were able to do.


    “Never, never give up” is a very meaningful slogan to each of us to inspire us to perseveringly catch our achievement. All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. This is the way life goes on.
    R.

  3. #3
    san2612 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
      • Home Country:
      • Vietnam
      • Current Location:
      • Vietnam
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    256
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please help me with the Toefl essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    R.
    Thanks very much, I'll rewrite the essay soon,
    Plz help me to correct this new one:

    Topic:
    “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

    People in the world desire for luck and success. They say a successful person is very lucky. However, from my perspective, I totally agree with the quotation that “when people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” In this essay, I will attempt to support my opinion.

    First of all, luck does not come accidentally. Only the luck that is created by ourselves is the real luck. It will stay with us for our long life. Thus, we should work hard to achieve it. Take Maxim Gorky, an unlucky man for example. He was born in a very poor family and had to work hard to earn his living from an early age. However, with the dream of following an art career, Gorky always read, studied feverishly and expended his effort in every possible manner. He then successfully became a great writer and at last, worked as head of the Writer's Union. This is evidence that people can succeed if they put great effort on their goals, not wait for luck.

    In addition, people seem to depend on the luck if they succeed one time. A man who hit the jackets one time always waited for his luck second time. With the dream of becoming rich on the twinkling of the eye without losing any effort, he sold his own houses, fields and other fortunes to buy as many lottery tickets as he could. The end of his life was that he lost everything except for the useless papers.

    The key of luck and success is somewhere in your hand. You are keeping it, the matter is that you want to use it or not. That means you should alter yourselves for the better. Working hard is the shortest way leading to your success.




Similar Threads

  1. TOEFL Essay Writing Practice
    By Red5 in forum General Language Discussions
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 05-Feb-2010, 23:28
  2. [Essay] toefl essay: is your city a interesting place to live
    By superboy0802 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 25-Oct-2009, 21:47
  3. TOEFL Essay
    By Aryam in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 30-Apr-2009, 17:24
  4. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 14-Dec-2005, 07:09

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •