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  1. #1
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    Default Please correct my letter!

    Dear Mrs Stelios Ryder,

    I am writing in response to the job which I saw advertised in the Respublika newspaper. I would apply for one of positions of trainee manager. Thus, I believe that I have all the necessary skills and qualifications for this post.

    I have graduated Romerio University in Vilnius and received high grades in my Greek and Financial Course so I am a banking and finance specialist. For the last 3 years I have worked such a bank manager therefore I have had a lot of experience in financial range. This experience has given me a lot of knowledge of the European financial markets.

    I am enthusiastic, committed and responsible person. I know how to use the computer and all necessary programs, for example Microsoft Office Excel. Else, I have good recommendations from my quondam boss and I would be glad if you would spend me further details of the job and promotions.

    Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to speaking with you about this employment opportunity.

    Yours sincerely,

    Liza Daliels

  2. #2
    Alex_D is offline Newbie
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      • Student or Learner
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      • Russian Federation
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      • Russian Federation
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    Default Re: Please correct my letter!

    in response to the job which I saw advertised in
    Write shorter: 'job advertised in...'
    I have graduated Romerio University in Vilnius and received high grades in my Greek and Financial Course so I am a banking and finance specialist.
    1. graduated from
    2. I think it would be better to specify your major and average grade and there is no need to say that you're a banking and finance specialist.
    I have worked such a bank manager
    'worked as a bank manager'. I think instead of the rest part of the paragraph you should describe your duties and responsibilities.
    financial range
    'Range' is rarely used. "Financial field" is more common.
    I know how to use the computer
    I'm sorry, but it sound childishly. 'The' article is misused here. Describing your computer literacy you should specify all financial software you was dealt with. Every student should be at least good user of Word and Excel, so specifying only these is not enough.
    Else, I have good recommendations from my quondam boss
    1. As I know, only learners start sentences with 'else', 'also' and 'and'. For natives it's possible only in speaking.
    2. If I were you, I would write something like this: 'What is more, I have a good recommendation/reference letter from my previous employer'
    Thank you for your consideration
    Just 'Thank you'
    I look forward to speaking with you about this employment opportunity.
    Again, if I were you, I would write this way: 'I am available for an interview at any time convenient to you. I look forward to meeting you to discuss my application.'

    P.S. Most of employers prefer to read structured CVs and covering letters.
    Last edited by Alex_D; 19-Jan-2010 at 18:09.

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please correct my letter!

    You are responding to the ad, not the job. (But didn't we discuss this in the other thread with an identical title?)

    (I don't have any problem with Thank you for your consideration, but I agree with the rest of the advice from my colleague.)


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