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  1. #1
    san2612 is offline Member
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    Smile Please help me with the Toefl essay

    Topic:
    What are the important qualities of a good son or daughter? Have these qualities changed or remained the same over time in your culture? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


    No child is born good or bad, it is the qualities he adopts with the passage of time that make him stand good or bad. A good son or a good daughter would be caring, responsible and respectful to his parents. It is a social norm and an indication of refined behaviors and a peaceful family set up for the children. The qualities of a good son or daughter have not changed over time.

    First of all, good children are caring. They must be considerate of the needs and feelings of others. For example, if children see a beggar in the street, they should feel sorry and try to do something to help him.

    Secondly, good children must be responsible. Just as children, they must learn to do something on their own: tie their shoes and wear clothes. Moreover, responsible children do not make excuses for their actions or blame others when things go wrong. They think things through and use good judgment before they take action. They behave in the ways to make others trust them.

    Last of all, a good children must be respectful of his/her parents. Children may sometimes be disobedient if they really want to do something but are not allowed to. However, they must be respectful to their parents, who bring them up with both care and love. If children learn to respect others from an early age, they will also be respected. This quality is especially important to them in their later life and needs to be formed when children are young enough.

    Cultures can always be changed but the qualities of a good son or daughter have remained. Any parent will tell you that, like their ancestors, they expect these qualities from their children. However, they do not always get what they expect from their children.
    Last edited by san2612; 24-Jan-2010 at 00:37.

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Please help me with the Toefl essay

    Quote Originally Posted by san2612 View Post
    Topic:
    What are the important qualities of a good son or daughter? Have these qualities changed or remained the same over time in your culture? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


    No child is born good or bad; it is the qualities he adopts with the passage of time that make him stand determine whether he is called good or bad. Goodness is a social norm and an indication of refined behaviors and a peaceful family set up for the children. The qualities of a good son or daughter have not changed over time. They are: caring, responsibility and respect for parents.
    [Since this is your major theme, you should state it prominently]

    First of all, good children are caring. They must be considerate of the needs and feelings of others. For example, if children see a beggar in the street, they should feel sorry and try to do something to help him.
    [Really? Is this normal in your country? How often do children stop and help beggars? Wouldn't it be impossible to stop and become a social worker every time you walked past a beggar? Are discretion and a sense of priority also a characteristic of goodness?]

    Secondly, good children must be responsible. Just as children, t They must learn to do things on their own: tie their shoes and wear clothes dress themselves. Moreover, responsible children do not make excuses for their actions or blame others when things go wrong. They think things through and use good judgment before they take action. They behave in the ways that make others trust them.

    Last of all, a good children must be respectful of his/her their parents. Children may sometimes be disobedient if they really want to do something but are not allowed to. However, they must be respectful to their parents, who bring them up with both care and love.
    [What about children who are not brought up with love and care? What about children who are sold into prostitution, etc. Should they respect their parents?] If children learn to respect others from an early age, they will also be respected. This quality is especially important to them in their later life and needs to be formed when children are young
    enough to learn and benefit.

    Cultures can always be changed but the qualities of a good son or daughter have remained. Any parent ["Most parents/Almost all parents". It's always a mistake to universalize like this.] will tell you that, like their ancestors, they expect these qualities from their children. However, they do not always get what they expect from their children.

    Some of my amendments are just suggestions, not necessarily corrections.


    R.

  3. #3
    san2612 is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please help me with the Toefl essay

    I've corrected the second paragraph:

    First of all, good children are caring. They must be considerate of the needs and feelings of others. It even allows them to empathize and feel other’s people suffering as their own. For example, children can share their own breakfast with their peers who are in the cloud of hunger. In other words, caring is an emotional root of a good son or daughter.

  4. #4
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please help me with the Toefl essay

    Quote Originally Posted by san2612 View Post
    I've corrected the second paragraph:

    First of all, good children are caring. They must be considerate of the needs and feelings of others. It even allows them to empathize and feel otherís people's suffering as their own. For example, children can share their own breakfast with their peers who are in the cloud of hunger. In other words, caring is an emotional root foundation of a good son or daughter.
    Yes, that's a better paragraph.

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