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    #1

    Argent: having, both as, in addition to

    Hi Friends and Teachers,

    I am currently writing a cover letter and not sure if I am using the correct grammar. The sentence is as following:

    Having worked as both a volunteer for IRS Volunteer Income Tax Assistance Program, an private math tutor in addition to also taking on a full set of courses, I maintained a high grade point average.

    My friend said to me that the logic and grammar are both wrong in the above sentence. And he corrected it as:

    I worked both as a volunteer for IRS Volunteer Income Tax Assistance Program, an private math tutor, while also taking a full set of courses, and maintained a high grade point average.

    I want to emphasis during that particular semester, I had done a lot of different things, but still maintained a very good GPA. I feel like my friend's sentence doesn't emphasis that and it is a little bit wordy.

    Can you please give me some advice and help me to rephrase the whole sentence?

    Thanks,
    Nikki
    Last edited by nikkiwu; 25-Jan-2010 at 01:16.

  1. 1984law's Avatar
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    #2

    Lightbulb Re: Argent: having, both as, in addition to

    Quote Originally Posted by nikkiwu View Post
    Hi Friends and Teachers,

    I am currently writing a cover letter and not sure if I am using the correct grammar. The sentence is as following:

    Having worked as both a volunteer for IRS Volunteer Income Tax Assistance Program, an private math tutor in addition to also taking on a full set of courses, I maintained a high grade point average.

    My friend said to me that the logic and grammar are both wrong in the above sentence. And he corrected it as:

    I worked both as a volunteer for IRS Volunteer Income Tax Assistance Program, an private math tutor, while also taking a full set of courses, and maintained a high grade point average.

    I want to emphasis during that particular semester, I had done a lot of different things, but still maintained a very good GPA. I feel like my friend's sentence doesn't emphasis that and it is a little bit wordy.

    Can you please give me some advice and help me to rephrase the whole sentence?

    Thanks,
    Nikki
    Hi, Nikki,
    I get your point and I think I can be of assistance.

    I worked both as a volunteer for the IRS Volunteer Income Tax Assistance Program and a private math tutor. At the same time I was also taking a full set of courses and managed to or I was able to maintain a high grade point
    average.

    Hope sentence meets your approval.



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    #3

    Re: Argent: having, both as, in addition to

    1984law, thank you very much.

    I kept thinking about rephrasing my sentence last night and came out a sentence as following "
    While working as both a volunteer for the IRS Volunteer Income Tax Assistance Program and a private math tutor, in addition to also taking on a full load of courses, I still managed to maintain a high grade point average. "

    Does the above sentence sound right? Is there any grammar or punctuation mistake?

    Thanks,
    Nikki

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
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      • Native Language:
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    #4

    Re: Argent: having, both as, in addition to

    Quote Originally Posted by nikkiwu View Post
    1984law, thank you very much.

    I kept thinking about rephrasing my sentence last night and came out a sentence as following "
    While working as both a volunteer for the IRS Volunteer Income Tax Assistance Program and a private math tutor, in addition to also taking on a full load of courses, I still managed to maintain a high grade point average. "

    Does the above sentence sound right? Is there any grammar or punctuation mistake?

    Thanks,
    Nikki
    (Not a teacher)
    From your sentence, I rephrased it the following:
    " While working as both a volunteer for the IRS Volunteer Income Tax Assistance Program and a private math tutor, with taking on a full load of courses, I still managed to maintain a high grade point average."
    how do you feel this sentence?

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