cover letter

[kaji]

can any one please help me to correct my cover letter? im applying for summer internship. I am weak in English. Please help me.



I am an ambitious student, undertaking second year in BEng Civil Engineering at Galway-Mayo IT. I am seeking an internship/summer placement for 10 at (company name)

Fascinated with huge amazing structural works and mega-structures, Structural Engineering is the career option I would like to explore. I have acquired a sound overall knowledge of leading edge engineering principles with an emphasis on classroom design projects. I am proficient in the use of AutoCAD and Surveying Instruments which was proved by the successful projects presentation in the class. Going through the company profile and its future project plans, I am particularly drawn by the companys long established history, as I feel it would create more immediate strong opportunities in related field.
Along with perfect knowledge, I am fully experienced with group work and sincerity towards my aims. I have been incredibly impressed with the companys long historical reputation and all of the consultants at various fields, I’ve spoken with.

More importantly, an internship/summer placement with (company name) would be mutually beneficial. Your company is the market leader in civil engineering/ construction field, and i know that my excellent wide knowledge and motivation to excel will make me an asset to your Company.

I genuinely hope to attend for interview at any convenient time and look forward to your response.
My enclosed resume provides additional details about my background.

 

[Tdol]

I think the main problem here is the excessive use of adjectives. You are using them, presumably, to show enthusiasm, but it doesn't read that way to me and some are over-the-top, like 'perfect knowledge'- the obvious question to ask is why you are studying if your knowledge is perfect.

I am a second-year Civil Engineering student at the Galway-Mayo Institute of Technology/I am in the second year of a BEng in Civil Engineering student at the Galway-Mayo Institute of Technology to be honest. reads better to me than putting in words like ambitious.

Fascinated with huge amazing- again too many adjectives for my taste- I'd cut a lot of these out to tone it down. You could say 'I have always been fascinated by mega-structures and other structural works, so Structural Engineering is a natural career option' or something similar.