I think that you're approaching this from the wrong perspective- it's not a discussion topic but it asks you for your opinion, so there's no need to try to put a balanced case. You should answer the questions more clearly- they are yes/no questions as starting points, but after reading it, I couldn't state clearly what you think- it asks if rich countries should be required to do this, not whether it's a good thing to give.
In terms of IELTS, I honestly think that you're not really ready for an exam like this yet and should concentrate on some simpler writing tasks first to develop the skills required more before trying tasks like this.
Firstly, work on individual sentences and tidy them up- there are spelling mistakes, missing words, missing capital letters, etc, in the first sentence for example. Then look at what it actuallly adds to the essay- it tells us that there arre rich and poor countries, which is a piece of knowledge that is already assumed to be known in the question. I would start by writing individual sentences, then buillding up to paragraphs before taking on an advanced exam like IELTS. The second paragraph is several sentences connected into one chunk with and/and/and. I would put IELTS aside and concentrate on sorting out the basics first.
- For Teachers