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  1. #1
    Nikk is offline Newbie
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    Lightbulb What do you think is the subject/object of description

    As my I regained my consciousness from my nightly slumber, my mind draws nothing. It is empty. The question in my mind isn't whether the glass is half-empty or half-full, but "where did the glass come from in the first place?" What is the origin of air and that of its components? How did it come into existence and why do I breathe it?

    I rise from my cot, as if I inherited the motion from the sun. No longer is my mind empty. It has been taken hostage by obscure thoughts. Why must I think anything at all ? How do I rid myself of these daily invasions?
    I look at the setting in front of my eyes. These walls only allow me to move in one way, this is confusing. Why must I be controlled by a material thing, having the sole decision on my direction? I will depart from this asylum, leaving one prison for another.
    I reach out for my weapon, stacked neatly in my arsenal. I have many weapons of varying sizes and power and, even atomic bombs to rid me of my foes. When duty calls, I scope them out with precision and fire. I then reach out for them as a falling solider would do for a comrade dying on the battlefield. . This is the day I would rid myself of all of my oppressors. I kill one after another, leaving me with intense emotions of freedom, independence and justice.


    My weapon wasn't enough. New enemies would appear with every one shot down and it seemed that this war would go on indefinitely, surely culminating in my death. I needed my allies to battle alongside me in this honorable fight as did the Samurai at the brutal naval battle of Dan-no-ura. .The loyalty of my friends would be the deciding factor of how the brutal fight would end.The decision to fight on had emerged from my fellow mates and was, at that time, our destiny.

    I charged the battlefield, my eyes trained on my enemy as I positioned myself in a bunker and hunkered down in it. I looked to my left and right to see my comrades with smiles on their faces, ready to engage. I gave the orders to move, and proudly and honorably we rushed the field in glory. Bombs and bodies were everywhere, I could not have imagined a greater day then this day. This moment we make our own, we claim the victory, and then we head home.

    After the battle and in my barracks, the shades of the night fell and I to my cot . I lay there..

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: What do you think is the subject/object of description

    Unless you were really unconscious, you didn't regain consciousness. You woke up.

    You past tense and present tense in a confusing manner. Choose.


  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: What do you think is the subject/object of description

    You charged, and you hunkered down in your bunker? Those two things don't go together.

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