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    #1

    admission letter

    I need help, its urgent. Im an international student and I need to give this letter today but I need someone to check for me...grammar and everything.


    Dear Sirs,
    First of all let me introduce myself; my name is Celia Fernandes. I was born in Portugal but was raised in Angola because my mother is an Angolan. I was a junior student of a University in Angola called ISPRA; my major was Pharmacology and Clinical Laboratory. In my junior year at the university, I started a trainee in clinical laboratory in a Military Hospital; I use to do the exam to test malaria.

    Angola was in civil war for thirty years and I did some community service back there to help victims of the war. It developed in me the ability to analyze problems from a health perspective keeping in mind the limitations of my country and manage them with the help of an Angolan Non-profit organization called ONG.

    In February of 2006, I had the opportunity to come to United States of America to study and I left all my life to reach my American Dream. When I arrived in the United States of America, I did not speak any english, I started to take English classes at the Houston Community College where I them complete the courses requirement for the Clinical Laboratory Science program.


    When I came here, I had the dream of get in to this program in this wonderful Hospital because a long time ago I hear that this is the best hospital of cancer of the world. In addition, I have a member of my family that came to Houston with cancer just to be treated in this hospital and she had an excellent result.

    While in high school I was always fascinated by the program of Clinical Laboratory Science and Cytotechnology,I believe my penchant for these field stems from the fact that health issues are increasing day by day in all over the world. The most fascinating thing about these fields is the opportunity of helping people. In my country, Angola, there is not people qualify to do research about cancer. Most of the exams are sending to South Africa. The rich people go to developed countries to get a good treatment and diagnostic. However, the poor died because they have not the opportunity to get a diagnostic or treatment.

    I am looking forward to pursuit a career in research and experience of excitement and satisfaction of being interest at the forefront of these vast expanding fields. Based on my academic knowledge and experience, I believe that I have the capacity, and potential to take the Cytotechnology program in 2 years.

    I am confident that I will be an active, open minded and useful member and researcher, willing to contribute during my graduation. I am waiting for your kind and positive response.

    Thank you for your time and consideration. I will be more than happy to provide any further information or documents if required.

    Sincerely,
    Last edited by celiajacyra; 15-Feb-2010 at 14:01. Reason: I need help because Im international student and my english is not very good, and I need to send this motivation today.

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    #2

    Re: admission letter

    Quote Originally Posted by celiajacyra View Post

    Dear Sirs,
    First of all let me introduce myself; my name is Celia Fernandes. I was born in Portugal but was raised in Angola because my mother is an Angolan. I was a junior student at a University in Angola called ISPRA; my major was Pharmacology and Clinical Laboratory. In my junior year at the university, I worked as a trainee in a clinical laboratory in a military Hospital; I used to do the exams to test for malaria.

    Angola was in civil war for thirty years and I did some community service back then to help victims of the war. It developed in me the ability to analyze problems from a health perspective keeping in mind the limitations of my country and manage them with the help of an Angolan Non-profit organization called ONG.

    In February of 2006, I had the opportunity to come to United States of America to study and I left all my life in angola behind. When I arrived in the United States of America, I did not speak any English. I took English classes at the Houston Community College where I them completed the courses requirements for the Clinical Laboratory Science program.

    Don't use so many semicolons. Overall, not bad.

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