Here's my monologue:
Claude, I’ve had enough of being a slave. I’m going to escape. I overheard Master Poulin saying that he will sell me down south. I can‘t bear it here anymore. He treats me like a dog. No, worse than a dog, he treats me like a British flag. I want to be free, I want to be free with you. We’re going to escape tonight. I know it’s going to be dangerous, but I can’t stand living one more day with the master. I don’t care if I get caught. Heaven and hell are both better than here. I can steal a hammer and bang a hole in the wall of my room. But no, that would way too loud. Master’s guards are bond to hear. Wait! I thought of something else. We can cause a distraction and run away while master’s guards are busy with the distraction. We need something loud; really loud. What if we eat lots of beans? But that’ll give our position away. What else can we do? I know! We can set his house on fire and run away while they’re busy putting out the fire. I can burn my wooden wall. Then, the fire will spread throughout the house. Then, we’ll escape. Oh no, I hear someone coming. I’ll meet you at the hen house at sundown.
Last edited by NarutoDude; 17-Feb-2010 at 02:23. Reason: I changed it slightly
It lacks vigour and does not encourage the reader to continue.
"I am desperate! I have just heard I am to be sold down south. I cannot bear it. I shall end as a field slave and all my life I've been a house-slave. I must get away, but how can I? What do I need? Where shall I go? Who might help me?"
Thanks for your advices everyone. I make several changed in the monologue. Since this was the first time I wrote a monologue, I didn't know much about writing it. Are there any ways to make it sound like a black person said it? Kind of like Mark Twain's books.
Gillnetter, that was suppose to be a joke, but I took it out because not many people get it.
I would seriously question the sense in trying to recreate the inflexions and structures of language as spoken by slaves. For a start, when is this putative slave living? Is he imported or home-bred? Has he learned his English from his owner and owner's family or from other slaves?
Far better to concentrate on learning what makes a monologue as opposed to a dialogue, and how to make the reader interested.
I won't have enough time to redo it and make it sound like a black person talking because it's due on Friday. Anyways, thanks for all your help
I really would not be concerned with trying to make it sound like a Black slave - unless you have a recording of one to help you. Far more important is to have a lively and well-structured monologue.
Would you mind posting your revised version to let us see what you have done?