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  1. #1
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    Default Can money bring happiness?

    Would you please give me some suggestions? Thank you very much!:)

    Topic: Money can bring happiness, do you agree or disagree? ( within 300 words, at least 250 words; IELTS for GENERAL TRAINING)

    As the most significant symptom of wealth, possessing a large sum of money has become a unique pursuit of many people, especially young generation, around the world. They are convinced of that happiness can bought by sufficient money. However, they could neglect the fact that happiness is not just determined by one factor but many others such as your friends, relatives, and pleasant experience. In my perspective, happiness does not always increase in direct ratio to the rise of money.

    Focusing on the illusion that money brings happiness may have an unexpected adverse effect that may lead to a misallocation of time. For instance, when some one reflects on how money would change their sense of well-being, they would probably tempt to think about spending more time in leisurely pursuits such as seeing a three-dimensional movie or traveling abroad. But in reality, they would have to spend a large amount of time working and commuting and less time engaged in experienced happiness.

    On the other hand, it is undeniable that money has a brief effect on life satisfaction, particularly after we have got enough money to satisfy our fundamental need. For example, people who get richer would feel they are better than their peers. Nevertheless, they will soon make richer friends. Therefore, their relative wealth will not be greater than it was before; people quickly get used to all new stuff their money can buy and the amount of money people say they need rises along with their income. Consequently, the endless and vicious cycle in terms of physically and psychologically stress begins again.

    In conclusion, I believe that money does not always buy happiness, but it is not indicated that money cannot brings happiness. It is of great importance to deal with money more carefully and appropriately. Instead of lavishing money in an ostentatious way, we should be aware of that it is romance, friendships, good health, families that truly bring us happiness.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Can money bring happiness?

    Quote Originally Posted by nixgnoy View Post
    Would you please give me some suggestions? Thank you very much!:)

    Topic: Money can bring happiness, do you agree or disagree? ( within 300 words, at least 250 words; IELTS for GENERAL TRAINING)

    As the most significant symptom sign of wealth, possessing a large sum of money has become a unique pursuit of many people, especially the younger generation, around the world.
    In what sense is it unique if everyone around the world is doing it?

    They are convinced
    of that happiness can be bought by sufficient money. However, they could neglect the fact that happiness is not just determined by one factor but many others such as your friends, relatives, and pleasant experiences. In From my perspective, happiness does not always increase in direct ratio [proportion] to the rise [amount] of money.

    Focusing on the illusion that money brings happiness may have an unexpected adverse effect that may lead to a misallocation of time. For instance, when someone reflects on how money would change their sense of well-being, they would probably be tempted to think about spending more time in leisurely pursuits such as seeing a three-dimensional movie or traveling abroad. But in reality, they would have to spend a large amount of time working and commuting and less time engaged in experienced happiness.

    On the other hand, it is undeniable that money has a brief effect on life satisfaction, particularly after we have got enough money to satisfy our fundamental needs. For example, people who get richer would feel they are better than their peers. Nevertheless, they will soon make richer friends. Therefore, their relative wealth will not be is not greater than it was before; people quickly get used to all new stuff their money can buy and the amount of money people say they need rises along with their income. Consequently, the endless and vicious cycle in terms of physically and psychologically stress begins again.
    Your example here should be completely in the present tense. You are describing an unchanging law of human nature. You don't need to say that things would happen or will happen. Just say they do happen.
    You can use the future tense (or other tenses, or conditional) as long as it is all consistent. For example, you can say to your friend: You are going to make more money, but then your friends will also have more money ... etc.

    In conclusion, I believe that money does not always buy happiness, but it is not indicated that money cannot brings happiness.
    I'm not sure what the second clause means here. But it seems you are equivocating on what you really believe.

    It is of great importance to deal with money more carefully and appropriately. Instead of lavishing money in an ostentatious way, we should be aware
    of that it is romance, friendships, good health, and family that truly bring us happiness.
    This is of a higher quality than we normally get here. Much of it could have been written by a native.


  3. #3
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    Default Re: Can money bring happiness?

    Thank you very much!

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    Default Re: Can money bring happiness?

    Dear Raymott:
    I appreciate what you have done for me and your suggestions are really really helpful for me.
    I also want to make a sincere apology to you, you are absolutely right! I indeed quoted some information from the Internet.I quoted it into my first two essays, but later, it is completely my writting. I list it as follows.I beg your pardon, and need your help! don't abandon me!

    essay1:topic:money,
    location: http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/editing-writing-topics/116262-can-money-bring-happiness.html
    note:I quoted information into the main body through edited it.

    essay2: topic: uniforms
    location: http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/editing-writing-topics/116455-should-people-wear-uniforms.html
    note: I quoted information into the first two sentences of the second paragraph through edited it.

    eassy3, topic: women vs men in job selection
    location: http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/editing-writing-topics/116522-why-some-mens-jobs-replaced-women.html
    note: completely writting by myself

    eassy4, topic: exercise
    location: http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/editing-writing-topics/116535-help-why-should-people-do-enough-exercise.html
    note: completely writting by myself

    eassy5, topic: cooking
    location: http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/editing-writing-topics/116542-pls-help-me-edit-should-school-teach-young-students-cooking.html
    note: completely writting by myself

    I am sorry to disturb you, but I really need your help! would you please give me a correction on each essay? at the same time, pls accept my sincere apology again!

    Yours Faithfully,
    Peter.
    Last edited by nixgnoy; 06-Mar-2010 at 05:42.

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    Default Re: Can money bring happiness?

    Quote Originally Posted by nixgnoy View Post
    Dear Raymott:
    I appreciate what you have done for me and your suggestions are really really helpful for me.
    I also want to make a sincere apology to you, you are absolutely right! I indeed quoted some information from the Internet.I quoted it into my first two essays, but later, it is completely my writting. I list it as follows.I beg your pardon, and need your help! don't abandon me!
    I accept your apology. I had not realised that you were plagiarising. There doesn't seem much point in requesting correction for something you've copied. But stop worrying about it. Just avoid doing it in future.

    I can't go over all of your essays again to correct the non-plagiarised bits. (If I have corrected them in the past, they are corrected. If they haven't been corrected, I'll take a look, but I can't promise anything) Perhaps you could write new essays, and post them as usual?
    I can't guarantee that I will correct any specific person's essays. That applies to everyone. You post your essay and take your chances. I'm not abandoning you.
    Raymott

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    Default Re: Can money bring happiness?

    Man. I don't know what to say about this topic. I'm lost can anyone help me. Here is what I have so far.

    I do agree that money can bring happiness. In today’s world people need money to have access to things. Without money we are really lost and don’t know what to do. Without money people can end up on the streets. Money is really hard to make now a days. We need money to buy things we want for ourselves. The most important things we want in our lives is a vehicles, house, food, clothing and entertainment.
    Some people live out in the country need a vehicles to drive to work and to go to other places. Without these different kinds of vehicles. The vehicles can help us transport goods and other items to different places. A vehicles also needs gas without gas we would just sit there.

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    Default Re: Can money bring happiness?

    Quote Originally Posted by ltsang View Post
    Man. I don't know what to say about this topic. I'm lost can anyone help me. Here is what I have so far.
    That's why I said:
    I'm not sure what the second clause means here. But it seems you are equivocating on what you really believe.
    I do agree that money can bring happiness. In today’s world people need money to have access to things. Without money we are really lost and don’t know what to do. Without money people can end up on the streets. Money is really hard to make now a days. We need money to buy things we want for ourselves. The most important things we want in our lives is a vehicles, house, food, clothing and entertainment.
    Some people live out in the country need a vehicles to drive to work and to go to other places. Without these different kinds of vehicles. The vehicles can help us transport goods and other items to different places. A vehicles also needs gas without gas we would just sit there.

    So you've missed all the bits that say that money can't be relied on by itself to buy happiness?*
    When I said:
    This is of a higher quality than we normally get here, I meant the grammar, not the logic. The logic is about par.

    *"However, they could neglect the fact that happiness is not just determined by one factor but many others such as your friends, relatives, and pleasant experience"

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    Default Re: Can money bring happiness?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post

    So you've missed all the bits that say that money can't be relied on by itself to buy happiness?*
    When I said:
    This is of a higher quality than we normally get here, I meant the grammar, not the logic. The logic is about par.

    *"However, they could neglect the fact that happiness is not just determined by one factor but many others such as your friends, relatives, and pleasant experience"
    I see.

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