I have been practising writing IELTS task 2, of which I am still not confident enough.I have writen a number of essays and gotten a feeling of a progress.However, I just can't judge it.Can someone correct my essay and evaluate which band it can be?
"Dieting can change a person's life for the better or ruin one's health completely. What is your opinion?"
Nowadays, we easily catch sight of various diet advertisements on TV or newspapers, which examplifies the fact that dieting has become a centre of attention in society.It is cetainly true that dieting can help people be healthier and fitter .However, it may be counteractive once we use it in wrong ways.
In many ways, dieting has proved tobe a very effective solution to improve people's health and appearance. Due to the progress of living standards, many people today are suffering from obesity from the abundance of fastfood and a lack of exercise. Concerning fast people , resorting to diet is a good method of losing weight, even a miraculous one. It is not hard for us to find examples of people who reduced plenty of weight to become famous singers or actors. In deed, losing weight by dieting not only is the key factor protecting obese people from various diseases but also can change their life by making them more confident of their own appearance.
Dieting, on the other hand, grabs the attendace of many other people as well. It is common for both mem and women that an attactive body always holds more opportunities in love. In addition, without discrimination, good-looking people are preferable to employers on the ground that they can make a greater impression on business parters.Apparently, the company's goals are achieved more easily.Accordingly, we can find lots of evidence to support the view that going on a diet helps we stand a better chance of success.
However, the wish to have as a perfect body as models or actors forces many people ,especially women to carelessly reduce their weight as much and fast as possible. They willing to apply unhealthy diet which provides them with poor nutrition. More dangerously, they drop the meals and ignore necessary food. That is,a route perhaps making them thinner but consequently ruining their health completely.
In conclusion, for these reason, I believe in a safe diet which give a bright future for ones hoping to maintain a good health, change their appearance to pursue their purposes in life. A diet should be considered carefully before following to avoid unfortunate consequence and, in particular, it is a better idea that dieting should go hand in hand with exercising and yoga to have the best effects.
(this essay may be longer than an IELTS essay because my teacher require at least 300 words so don't take length into consideration)
Last edited by nguyetanhht; 01-Mar-2010 at 15:39.
Thank you so much for your comment!
My essay has more spelling errors than I expected
Such spelling errors may result from the fact that I was in a hurry and didn't check carefully after typing. I will try not to repeat this for the next essays.
As you say, my biggest problem lies in vocabulary. In fact, I am trying to improve it. I always find it hard to find the most suitable and formal words. Sometimes, I wonder whether a word used is right or wrong. But noone can help me.So, your correcting is really helpful.
But can't you score it so that I will know where i am?