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  1. #1
    AryanK is offline Newbie
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    Arrow Please check my essay's grammar!!! I need this quick!!! "My Vision of the future"

    Hi all

    I've finished my essay, but I haven't checked it for grammar mistakes yet. I'm checking it right now, but can you guys help me as well? The topic is interesting, so I think you'll enjoy the essay while you're correcting it. :D

    I've talked about what I think our world will be like 50 years from now. First I've started with an introduction paragraph. Then I've talked about the following topics in 5 paragraphs: Government, Entertainment, Lifestyle, Music and Food. At the end I've finished my essay with an ending paragraph. I really appriciate your help, so please help me quickly! :) Also compare my vision of future with yours if you like.



    Here it is:

    Quote Originally Posted by Aryan
    Future is one of the most unknown terms in the universe. Nobody really knows about it, and no one can have an accurate prediction of it. However, it is quite possible to have an unclear and dim vision of it by looking at current lifestyle and sciences. I don’t think our world will be any better than now in 50 years, and these are my opinions on how the world will be like 50 years from now.


    50 years from now, there will be fewer governments and the governments will be larger. There might even be only one government controlling the nations. There will be more fascist governments with much more control over the population. There will be continuous wars, because war is inevitable. We might even destroy our world in an atomic war. I think the government will support new technologies, especially Nanotechnology since it’s much more than a technology. I have one word for this: Nanosocialism (Research, development and use of nanotechnology is owned and controlled by the government).


    What can I say for Entertainment? Gamers already know that Microsoft’s Project Natal and Sony’s Motion Sensor are already breaking the walls between reality and fantasy. People are spending more time on computer and television, not to mention Facebook which is eating up people’s brains and time every day! Have you noticed how many movies are being made with the basic idea of Posthumanism and Transhumanism lately? This means that people are concerned about their future with robots. Again, technology’s footstep can be found here.


    The lifestyle will be similar to what it is right now, but with a few major changes. The meaning of family is already changing and marriages aren’t as popular as they were before. People prefer roommates than married spouses and most of them are single. In many countries the birthrate is dropping fast, and in future this will be true in all countries. Traditional communication methods are giving their place to new technological computer and internet methods such as E-mails, chats and forums. Again here Facebook is helping, and Google’s latest project which is called Google Wave will complete these new communication methods. Who knows? Maybe we’ll be controlling robots or virtual characters as representatives of ourselves in future to socialize.


    I love music, so I feel bad when I see that it’s being ruined by some of the recent musicians. Suppose that the music history started with medieval music in the middle ages, when they only had Gregorian and vocal church music. It was beautiful, and composers really worked on their pieces. Then vocal polyphony and madrigal came along with Renaissance, and then came the Baroque style still with polyphony and harmony. Now I’m not going to write the whole history so I’ll keep it short. After Weiner classical and romantic, finally in 1900 the neo-tonality started its work and I appreciate the musicians such as Debussy and Ravel who tried to invent new tonalities, and I don’t have any problems with new genres such as rock and pop, but right now a disaster is happening. Most of the musical pieces and songs are nonsense these days and I think in future Electronic music, synthesizers and keyboards will take place of real instruments, again thanks to technology. With the new dance genres like Trance and house, music is becoming pure entertainment and this should not happen.


    I have two words for food in future, Fast Food. People are getting busier every day, so they don’t have time for fancy foods. Nobody will have enough time for traditional cooking so people will use fast food, which is junk food really. Healthy and rich foods will be replaced by meals with little or no nutritional value. People will choose anything that’s easier and faster to eat, so they’ll become sick because they don’t get enough nutrients. When they get sick, they use drugs and this process happens all the time, and this is not good.


    As I said before, we can’t really talk about future and these are only my predictions based on what I see from now. I’m not against technology development. In fact, I love computers, but in general I think technology is affecting everything and most governments are supporting it for unknown reasons. People are wasting their time more and more every day and the number of intellectuals is decreasing. Overall, I don’t see a bright future ahead of us if we keep going this way, but again, people have their own definitions for “bright future”.
    Thank you
    Aryan~

  2. #2
    brialong is offline Newbie
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    Re: Please check my essay's grammar!!! I need this quick!!! "My Vision of the future"

    Quote Originally Posted by AryanK View Post
    Hi all

    I've finished my essay, but I haven't checked it for grammar mistakes yet. I'm checking it right now, but can you guys help me as well? The topic is interesting, so I think you'll enjoy the essay while you're correcting it. :D

    I've talked about what I think our world will be like 50 years from now. First I've started with an introduction paragraph. Then I've talked about the following topics in 5 paragraphs: Government, Entertainment, Lifestyle, Music and Food. At the end I've finished my essay with an ending paragraph. I really appriciate your help, so please help me quickly! :) Also compare my vision of future with yours if you like.



    Here it is:



    Thank you
    Aryan~
    nice topic for your essay

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