[Essay] why some men's jobs are replaced by women

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nixgnoy

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Would you please give me some suggestions? Thank you very much!:);-)

Topic: In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men, what do you think make these changes happen? what is your opinion? (within 300 words, at least 250 words; IELTS for GENERAL TRAINING)

Women have recently played a significant role in many occupations, not only involving in political region but in terms of dangerous areas such as crime detection where are generally dominated by men. Therefore, it is easy to draw a conclusion that it is a victory for women struggling for their right of equality. However, from my perspective, it is social environment and individual features rather than gender that fundamentally create differences.

The reason why some men’s jobs would be replaced by women is the fact that many families with children and old people nowadays have to face with severe social and financial stress. A traditional role as a thrifty housekeeper seems to be unable to support a whole family only depending on the income of her husband. Therefore, facing with fierce employment competition, they have no choice but to seek a job that is not suitable to her.

On the other hand, many positions which are considered to be more appropriate to men have been taken by women who have a special capability. For instance, a woman who has a stronger body and good eyesight as well as sharp mind shows great competence in detecting a crime, while a man who has a weak body with myopia cannot. In other words, gender is not always the case to determine that who, women or men, to take a special job.

In conclusion, I believe that the selection of jobs is basic on social environment and personal capability. Admittedly, different genders may lead to different individual features, which generally determine what job people should take, but even in a same gender, individuals are different, therefore, emphasizing the fact that genders decide jobs is somewhat meaningless.
 

IHIVG

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Would you please give me some suggestions? Thank you very much!:);-)

Topic: In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men, what do you think make these changes happen? what is your opinion? (within 300 words, at least 250 words; IELTS for GENERAL TRAINING)

Women have recently played a significant role in many occupations, not only [STRIKE]involving in political region [/STRIKE] in politics, but [STRIKE]in terms of [/STRIKE] also in some of the dangerous occupational areas, such as crime detection, [STRIKE]where[/STRIKE] that are, generally, dominated by men. Therefore, it is easy to draw a conclusion that it is a victory for women, who have been struggling for their rights [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] to equality. However, from my perspective, it is a social environment (?) and individual features, rather than the gender, that fundamentally create differences.

The reason why some men’s jobs would be replaced by women is in the fact that many families with children and old people nowadays have to face [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] severe social and financial stress. A traditional role as a thrifty housekeeper seems to be unable to support a whole family only depending on the income of her husband. (the whole sentence needs rewording) Therefore, [STRIKE]facing with[/STRIKE] as they face a fierce employment competition, they have no choice but to seek [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] jobs that [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] are not suitable [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] for [STRIKE]her[/STRIKE] them. (why would be all jobs not suitable?)

On the other hand, many positions which are considered to be more appropriate [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] for men, have been taken by women, who have[STRIKE] a[/STRIKE] special capabilit[STRIKE]y[/STRIKE]ies . For instance, a woman who has a strong[STRIKE]er [/STRIKE]body and good eyesight as well as a sharp mind, shows great competence in detecting a crime, while a man who has a weak body [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] and myopia, [STRIKE]cannot[/STRIKE] does not. In other words, gender is not always the case to determine that who, women or men, to take a special job. (In other words, gender does not always serve as a criterion for the employment.)

In conclusion, I believe that the selection of jobs is basic on social environment and personal capability. Admittedly, different genders may lead to different individual features, which generally determine what job people should take, but even in a same gender, individuals are different, therefore, emphasizing the fact that genders decide jobs is somewhat meaningless.

The last paragraph should be rewritten.
 
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san2612

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Being a criminal is not a job. Thus, I'm afraid that your examples digress from the topic.
 

Anglika

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Would you please give me some suggestions? Thank you very much!:);-)

Topic: In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men, what do you think make these changes happen? what is your opinion? (within 300 words, at least 250 words; IELTS for GENERAL TRAINING)

Women have recently played a significant role in many occupations, not only involving [STRIKE]in political region[/STRIKE] politics but in terms of dangerous areas such as crime detection [STRIKE]where[/STRIKE]which are generally dominated by men. Therefore, it is easy to draw a conclusion that it is a victory for women struggling for their right of equality. However, from my perspective, it is social environment and individual features rather than gender that fundamentally create differences.

The reason why some men[STRIKE]’s jobs[/STRIKE] would be replaced in jobs by women is the fact that many families with children and old people nowadays have to face with severe social and financial stress. A traditional role as a thrifty housekeeper seems to be unable to support a whole family only depending on the income of her husband. [Rewrite - makes no sense as a sentence]Therefore, facing with fierce employment competition, they have no choice but to seek a job that is not suitable to her. [Agreement of pronouns required}

On the other hand, many positions which are considered to be more appropriate to men have been taken by women who have a special capability. For instance, a woman who has a stronger body and good eyesight as well as sharp mind shows great competence in detecting a crime, while a man who has a weak body with myopia cannot.[What evidence have you for this statement? Poor physique and short sight do not preclude good intelligence and reasoning powers] In other words, gender is not always the case to determine that who, women or men, to take a special job.

In conclusion, I believe that the selection of jobs is basic on social environment and personal capability. Admittedly, different genders may lead to different individual features, which generally determine what job people should take, but even in a same gender, individuals are different, therefore, emphasizing the fact that genders decide jobs is somewhat meaningless.

..
 

nixgnoy

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Thank you very much! But the last paragraph don't need to modify?
 
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