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  1. #1
    new2grammar's Avatar
    new2grammar is offline Senior Member
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    Default A content of sales letter kindly check

    There is no doubt that to increase the productivity it is necessary to keep your team motivated, and to reward them with a special treat at our restaurant which will only revive your teamís passion & appetite to achieve targets. We are pleased to announce a special package for your esteemed organization. We have a range of corporate deals for you to select Ė special discount vouchers, Gift Certificates, Corporate party, buffet party, whatís more we will customized the deal as per your requirement.

  2. #2
    bhaisahab's Avatar
    bhaisahab is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: A content of sales letter kindly check

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    There is no doubt that to increase (no article)productivity it is necessary to keep your team motivated. So why not reward them with a special treat at our restaurant which will revive your teamís passion & appetite for achieving targets. We are pleased to announce a special package for your esteemed organization. We have a range of corporate deals for you to select Ė special discount vouchers, Gift Certificates, Corporate party, buffet party, whatís more we will customize the deal to fit your requirements.
    .

  3. #3
    new2grammar's Avatar
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    Default Re: A content of sales letter kindly check

    continuation...the last closing para

    It would be our pleasure to serve your organization as an EIG (– Extremely Important Guest) Member. We would appreciate if you could give us an appointment so we could discuss it in details, and seal the win win deal for your organization.
    Last edited by new2grammar; 09-Mar-2010 at 06:28.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: A content of sales letter kindly check

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    conyinuation...the last closing para

    It would be our pleasure to serve your organization as an EIG (– Extremely Important Guest) Member. We would appreciate if you could give us an appointment so we could discuss it in details, and seal the win win deal for your organization.
    I checked the acronym EIG, as far as I understand it is not commonly used as the way you used. So, this title(– Extremely Important Guest) might be peculiar to your company, and therefore I'd suggest you to write this as below;

    ... organization as what we call an EIG (Extremely...)...

    my another suggestion;

    ...could give us an appointment so we couldto discuss it in detail,...

    and, another one;

    win-win

    and, the last part may be shortened;

    ...deal for your organization you


    ***neither a teacher nor a native-speaker***

  5. #5
    new2grammar's Avatar
    new2grammar is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: A content of sales letter kindly check

    Quote Originally Posted by euncu View Post
    I checked the acronym EIG, as far as I understand it is not commonly used as the way you used. So, this title(Ė Extremely Important Guest) might be peculiar to your company, and therefore I'd suggest you to write this as below;

    ... organization as what we call an EIG (Extremely...)...

    my another suggestion;

    ...could give us an appointment so we couldto discuss it in detail,...

    and, another one;

    win-win

    and, the last part may be shortened;

    ...deal for your organization you


    ***neither a teacher nor a native-speaker***
    you are correct EIG is created by me; VIP is very common and does not ft for a restaurant.

  6. #6
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: A content of sales letter kindly check

    not a teacher

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    There is no doubt that to increase the (delete 'the') productivity it is necessary to keep your team motivated, and to reward them with a special treat at our restaurant which will only (delete only) revive your team’s passion & appetite (determination)to achieve targets. We are pleased to announce a special (incentive) package for your esteemed organization. We have a range of corporate deals (offers) for you to select – special discount vouchers, Gift Certificates, Corporate party, buffet party, what’s more we will customized (customize) the deal as per (to suit your)your requirement(requirements).

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