Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    1
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default could u plz check my "self-introduction"?

    Most of all, I am very pleased to introduce myself of you and your company.
    Two siblings of us were living relatively affluent lives thanks to our parents who had very respectful and well-paid jobs: my father is a teacher and my mother, an employee in one of the biggest firm in Korea. I learned sincerity and modesty from my father who is so strict and domestic. He has always emphasized that I became active and kind person who helps others and get together with someone who is weaker and poorer than me. Therefore, I have tried to help the people who are inferior to me and participated in volunteer activities. Besides, I was committed to various activities like Boy scout, soccer club and literary club. From these experiences, I got not only flexible attitude to accept other opinion but also way to adapt myself in every environment by myself.
    I got an opportunity to go America when I was university student. I got a good grade and satisfied English requirement so that I got permission to go State University of New York as exchange student for one semester. That time. It was great time for me because I had chance to study with students from other countries and i had a lot of experience from various cultural activities and travel around east of America such as Washington, Atlanta and Chicago to visit museums and various memorials. In addition, I had been engaged in stock club during life of university and served as president for 1 year. I took part in investment contest held in securities firms as well as had discussion about stock and investment with colleague every weeks. It was good time to learn about stock market and investment deeper than before and widened knowledge and economic point of view.
    After graduating from university, I had worked in X-TOP Planning Limited which is a small construction firm with annual turnover of over $ 2million for 7 months. I was new employee so I could not participate in any important projects directly but helped and prepared some documents and reports for process of contract and presentation. Although I was unable to take important projects and jobs, I acquired substantial amount of knowledge and skill in the management, team work and communication. That time, I realized that I need more academic experience so that I decided to study abroad.
    I completed the Graduate Diploma in Commerce focusing on Finance and Accounting in University of Auckland. This qualification was a step up from my Bachelor of Business degree from University in Korea.I have studied deep and widen into theoretical study and professional knowledge aboutfinance & Accounting while taking Graduate Diploma course in University of Auckland for 2 years. What is more, I have become proficient to command good English, cultivated my international sense and expanded my perspective vision of the world in more matured way from studying abroad.
    My strong point is that I have a powerful driving force. This means that if I have goals or given jobs, I will always have to do my best and assuredly achieve them. With such my personality, I never give up mu jobs and challenge again even if I fail. But I am very decisive so I make some argument with others because I am reluctant to give up my thought and tell my opponents exactly what I think if I believe that my opinion is right. That is my weak point.
    However, I would accept my opponents’ opinion if they show me appropriate reasons or produce figures to prove their point.
    Finally, I will introduce my favorite word. It is “Stay hungry, Stay foolish” that is addressed by Steven Jobs, CEOof Apple, atHarvard University commencement. I know that I have no something to be proud but I always try to improve my ability, challenge new something and change myself.
    I believe my qualifications, experiences and my interests will stand me at good stead in your company. I always have to do my best and perform my sincerity and responsibility with whatever task I am committed to and I make it a rule to enjoy doing every task that is assigned to me with strong sense of responsibility. If you give me chance to work for your firm, i try to achieve productive outcome with positive and progressive thought and way of maintaining to close fellowship with my colleagues in my workplace.
    Last edited by sungyuyam; 07-Mar-2010 at 21:40.

  2. #2
    InnaI is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Russian Federation
      • Current Location:
      • Israel
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    9
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: could u plz check my "self-introduction"?


    Hi, I took a look at your letter and made some remarks.

    Hope you find my remarks helpful.
    Good luck! :)


    Inna.



    Most of all, I am very pleased to introduce myself to you and your company.


    Thanks to our parents who had very respectful and well-paid jobs, my brother/sister and I lived relatively affluent lives. My father is (used to be?) a teacher and my mother - an employee in one of the biggest firms in Korea. I learned sincerity and modesty from my father, who is strict and domestic . He has motivated me to become an active and kind person who helps others and gets together with those, who are weaker and poorer than himself. Therefore, I have tried to help the people who are inferior to me and participated in volunteer activities. Besides, I was committed to various activities like Boy Scout, Soccer Club and Literary Club. These experiences taught me not only to be tolerant to the opinions of others, but also gave me the tools to adapt to every environment.



    I got an opportunity to go to America when I was a university student. My grades were good and I met all the English requirements, therefore, I got a permission to go the State University of New York as an exchange student for one semester. It was great time for me because I had chance to study with students from other countries and I gained a lot of experience from various cultural activities and traveled around east of America in states such as Washington, Atlanta and Chicago to visit museums and various memorials. In addition, I had been engaged in a stock club during the university and served as its president for one year. I took part in an investment contest held in securities firms and used to have weekly discussions about stock (market) and investment with my colleagues. It was a good time to learn about the stock market and investment deeper than before (what did you mean?) and I widened my knowledge and economic views.



    After graduating (from university), I had worked in X-TOP Planning Limited which is a small construction firm with annual turnover of over $ 2million for 7 months (when you say “annual” - it's for one year; but then you say “7 months” - so you should decide what time span you're talking about). I was new employee so I could not participate in any important projects directly but helped and prepared some documents and reports for the process of contract and presentation. Although I was unable to handle important projects and jobs, I acquired substantial amount of knowledge and skills in the field of management, team work and communication. That time, I realized that I need more academic experience so that I decided to study abroad.



    I completed the Graduate Diploma in Commerce focusing on Finance and Accounting in University of Auckland. This qualification was a step up from my B.A in Business from University in Korea. I took my studies very seriously and acquired theoretical and professional knowledge about finance and accounting while attending Graduate Diploma course in the University of Auckland for two years. My studying abroad contributed to a proficient English, cultivated my international sense and expanded my perspective vision of the world in a more mature way.



    My strong point is, that I have a powerful driving force. This means, that if I have goals or given jobs (tasks), I will always do my best and assuredly achieve them. Being persistent as I am, I never give up my jobs and take the chance again even if I fail. However, I am very decisive so I often dispute with others, not ready to give up my opinion easily. I tell my opponents exactly what I think if I believe that my opinion is right. That is my weak point.



    However, I would accept my opponents’ opinion if they show me appropriate reasons or produce figures to prove their point.



    Finally, I will introduce my favorite word. It is: “Stay hungry, Stay foolish”, that was addressed by Steven Jobs, CEOof Apple, at Harvard University commencement. I know that I have nothing special to be proud of, but I always try to improve my ability, meet challenges and change myself for good.

    I believe, my qualifications, experiences and interests will stand me at a good stead in your company. I always do my best and perform my sincerity and responsibility in whatever task I am committed to and I make it a rule to enjoy doing every task that is assigned to me with a strong sense of responsibility. If you give me a chance to work for your firm, I will strive to achieve productive outcome with a positive and progressive thought and way of maintaining close relationship with my fellow colleagues.

  3. #3
    Josh Teacher is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    1
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: could u plz check my "self-introduction"?

    This is a really good attempt at a self introduction. I will give you a few tips to help you along the way.

    1) "Two siblings of us (My two siblings and I) were living relatively affluent lives"
    2) "who are inferior to me". I think you mean "who are worse off than me". In this context 'inferior' would mean that the person is not as good as you. It would make you sound rude. You mean 'worse off' or 'not as fortunate'.
    3) "My strong point is" I think you should say 'my strength is' or 'my strengths are'

    Keep up the hard work, you're doing great. Remember English should be fun and enjoyable.
    Josh ( oystercafe.com )

Similar Threads

  1. Check
    By Tdol in forum Phrasal Verbs
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 05-Aug-2011, 20:28
  2. check and deposit, what do they mean?
    By newlife in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-May-2009, 13:01
  3. [General] check and check =?
    By thedaffodils in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-Mar-2009, 13:05
  4. [Grammar] check if...
    By Daruma in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 27-Jun-2008, 12:01
  5. live check to check
    By kpkroy in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 26-Jan-2008, 13:49

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Hotchalk