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  1. #1
    spidersupergirl is offline Newbie
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    Question please help me correct my letter

    i have to write this letter to persuade why i do not need to take P.E class. is this persuasive enough??? please give me some ideas and correct my grammar. Thank you for your concern.

    To Whom It May Concern:
    First of all let me introduce myself; my name is Tam Thao Nguyen. I am attending San Diego Mesa College called SDMESA as a senior of Nursing program.
    In order to transfer to San Diego States University (SDSU), I have completed all of my requirements with a good standard 3.7 GPA except for one required course in physical education (P.E). In my special case, I am writing this letter with a request that SDMESA gives me an admission to transfer to SDSU in the spring 2010 without taking PE course.
    These are two reasons why I suggest SDMESA to waive my P.E course:
    Academic requirements content abundant knowledge which is indispensable for my major, nevertheless, one P.E lesson a week can neither fulfill the individual’s requisite skills nor make a little improvement to an individual’s health. Therefore, P.E course could not facilitate me to become a good nurse in the future.
    Colleges are higher education than high schools in which students should be allowed their choices. I am attending SDMESA, in the hope that I can take part in what I would rather choose. In high schools, P.E is a mandatory course in a curriculum, and student such as me do not have a chance to learn what I am interested in; besides running one to two miles a week. Compel students to do what they have no passion about is a refusal to give them a chance to succeed in their education.
    By transferring to SDSU this spring, I will have the opportunity to complete the P.E class. Moreover, I am also up for volunteer activities such as walking, cycling, etc. in order to give a small contribution to some charitable funds. These are few things that I can ensure they would be substitutions for the lack of P.E course. I hope that this can inform you I using my time effectively.
    I assure that I will still set a standard for integrity and excellence in my education in spite of not having P.E course. Therefore, I ask this committee to approve the waiver of my postponing. I would appreciate your concern.
    Sincerely,
    Tam Thao Nguyen
    Last edited by spidersupergirl; 08-Mar-2010 at 00:07.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: please help me correct my letter

    I will try to do that,

  3. #3
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: please help me correct my letter

    “Is it persuasive enough?” In a word, no. Do I agree with you ? In a word, maybe, but disagreement with rules or regulations in what appear on your part to be philosophical or personal grounds does not seem to me to be sufficient reason for an organization (in this case SDSU) to waive its requirement for mandatory participation in the PE program or any prerequisite program. Neither can I subscribe to your argument that to “compel students to do what they have no passion about is a refusal to give them a chance to succeed in their education”. If that were true, it would be impossible for me to balance my checkbook. So, unless you are willing to initiate a grass roots movement among a sizeable population of other students who sympathize with your position, I would politely suggest that you begin to practice your push-ups.

  4. #4
    spidersupergirl is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: please help me correct my letter

    thank you for your response. Actually it was an essay i had to turn in for my Eng professor. He gave us this situation, and I had to put myself in it. Anyway, thank you again. At least I know that I still have to rewrite it again.

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