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  1. #1
    Green salad is offline Newbie
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    Default Please help me with my essay (even just a bit)

    I'm so shameful of my English level, but I can't do anything but asking you to correct my self introduction essay. I will appreciate your help so much.


    My name is ***. I was born on the *** in ***. Now Im living with my parents and younger sister in HCM City. We moved here in early 2009 due to many reasons. My father is a civil servant and my mother is a television editor. My younger sister is in high school and she is going to take the University Entrance Exam this year.
    I spent my high school years in THD School the best high-school in my province. I choose my major at that time as literature and I once won the third prize in Literature Contest in my province. That is one of things that I m proud of.
    After graduating high school, I passed the University of Social Sciences and Humanities and went to HCM to study. New environment opened up before my eyes made me gain a lot of experience. In high school, Im not really a hard-working student. But since I have entered the University, many thinking inside myself has changed a lot. I didnt intent to choose Korean as my major. The truth is, Korean has chosen me. People says that You only love something when you really experienced it. I learned Korean as diligent as possilble from the first time because Im afraid of being inferior to new friends. But little by little, studying Korean has became one of my hobbies. I wrote all of vocabularies and gramme structure that I have learned in a small book and took it along all the time. I read it when sitting on the bus, waiting for friends or even when washing clothings. I also bought some Korean books from old bookstores and read them tirelessly. As a result, I become one of students who has a stable gramme knowledge and wide vocabulary in my class.
    But that not means that Im the best student in the class. Korean gramme and reading were my strong points, but speaking and listening were not. Im a kind of speaking-shy people, so its not easy for me to get into conversation with others, especially Korean. My mind often became blank when I was trying to find a subject to talk with them. At that time I felt so disapponted in myself . After that I was determined to make good my weakness. I though If you want to be good at something, there is no way but practising it constantly. I tried to practise Korean whenever and wherever I can. There are many Koreans who are studying Vietnamese in my University. So the best way is to approach them and talk to them. Most of them were friendly and nice to me. I remember someone among them said :You dont have to worry so much about your speaking. Korean think that when one foreigner speaks Korean stammeringly, he or she looks cutier than the one who speak fluently. Maybe he said that just for fun but I really appreciate him so much. His word has encouraged me a lot. I also participated in a Korean club called dongari. They taught me to study Korean, sing Korean songs, or cook some traditional food. It was such a happy time that I have never forgot. After those effort, my speaking has been improved considerably.
    Ever since I was a little girl, I have though that I have to become an independent person. So, during the student time, I had always tried to find a suitable job to earn a bit money and gain experiences. The most memorable job at that time is selling the Zodiac pictures of Kagaya. It is the collection including 12 pictures about 12 zodiacs. They are very beautiful and each zodiac (each picture) have special meanings about the person who was born in that time. That the result why most of young person, especially the girl like it very much. I and my friends set up a plan to do business. We bough pictures wholesale and sold to students in our dormitory. Although doing business in dormitory was banned but we managed to sell it smoothly. That job was really fun. But it effected my study quite a lot, so I decided to quit it.
    From the third-year, I have worked as a freelance for a translation company. And in the fourth-year, I worked as a half-time interpreter for a Korea real estate company. Those jobs have helped me to get many valuable expericens in order to prepare for the real job in the future.
    It has been almost 2 years since I have graduated from Univiersity. At the moment, Im working as a secretary in LG Vina Cosmetics company. The job, the salary, the working environment ... everything is good. But I always feel that my study road does not end here. And I always look forward to a new opportunity which I can develop my ability at a higher level. I have the ambition to create a Korean- Vietnamese dictionary disk. This will help Korean and Vietnamese study these two languages easier (insteading of using book-formed dictionary at present). As the old saying goes easier said than done. I know there are many difficulties in front of me. But in my humble opinion, man proposes, God disposes. I have confidence that things will work out for the best.

  2. #2
    IHIVG's Avatar
    IHIVG is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please help me with my essay (even just a bit)

    Quote Originally Posted by Green salad View Post
    I'm so shameful ashamed (no need to be!) of my English level, but I can't do anything but asking you to correct my self introduction essay. I will appreciate your help so much.


    My name is ***. I was born on the *** in ***. Now I’m living with my parents and younger sister in HCM City. We moved here in early 2009 due to many reasons. My father is a civil servant and my mother is a television editor. My younger sister is in high school and she is going to take the University Entrance Exam this year.
    I spent my high school years in THD School – the best high-school in my province. I choose chose my major at that time as in literature and I once won (once I won) the third prize in Literature Contest in my province. That is one of the things that I ‘m proud of.
    After graduating from high school, I passed the University of Social Sciences and Humanities and went to HCM to study. New environment opened up before my eyes and made me gain a lot of experience. In high school, I’m I was not really a hard-working student. But since I have entered the University, many thinking inside myself has changed a lot. (hmm, maybe "a lot has changed inside me" would be better) I didn’t intent to choose Korean as my major. The truth is, Korean has chosen me. People says say that “You only love something when you really experienced it”. I learned Korean as diligent as possilble from the first time because I’m afraid of being inferior to new friends. But little by little, studying Korean has became become one of my hobbies. I wrote all of the vocabularies and gramme grammar ('gramme' is a weight measure)structure that I have learned in a small book and took it along all the time. I read it when sitting on the bus (going by bus), waiting for friends or even when washing clothings. I also bought some Korean books from old bookstores and read them tirelessly. As a result, I become became one of the students who has had a stable gramme grammar knowledge and wide vocabulary in my class.
    But that not means didn't mean that I’m was the best student in the class. Korean gramme grammar and reading were my strong points, but speaking and listening were not. I’m a kind of speaking-shy people (I'm a shy kind of person when it comes to speaking), so it’s not easy for me to get into conversation with others, especially with Koreans. My mind often became blank when I was trying to find a subject to talk with them. At that time I felt so disappointed in myself . After that I was determined to make good my weakness (maybe "to work on my weakness''?). I thought “If you want to be good at something, there is no other way but practising it constantly.” I tried to practise Korean whenever and wherever I can could. There were many Koreans who are were studying Vietnamese in my University. So the best way is was to approach them and to talk to them. Most of them were friendly and nice to me. I remember someone among them said :”You don’t have to worry so much about your speaking. Koreans think that when one foreigner speaks Korean stammeringly, he or she looks cutier than the one who speaks fluently.“ Maybe he said that just for fun but I really appreciated him so much. His word has encouraged me a lot. I also participated in a Korean club called ‘dongari’. They taught me to study Korean, sing Korean songs, or cook some traditional food. It was such a happy time that I have never forgot I will never forget. After those efforts, my speaking skills has been improved considerably.
    Ever since I was a little girl, I have thought that I have to become an independent person. So, during the student time, I had always tried to find a suitable job to earn a bit of money and gain experiences. The most memorable job at that time is was selling the Zodiac pictures of Kagaya. It is was the collection including 12 pictures about 12 zodiacs. They are were very beautiful and each zodiac (each picture) have had special meanings about the person who was born in that time. That the result was the reason why most of young person people, especially the girls, liked it very much. I and my friends (My friends and I) set up a plan to do business. We bought pictures wholesale and sold to students in our dormitory. Although doing business in dormitory was banned but we managed to sell it smoothly. That job was really fun. But it effected my study quite a lot, so I decided to quit it.
    From the third-year, I have worked as a freelance for a translation company. And in the fourth-year, I worked as a half-time interpreter for a Korean real estate company. Those jobs have helped me to get many much valuable expericens experience in order to prepare for the real job in the future.
    It has been almost 2 years since I have graduated from the Univiersity. At the moment, I’m working as a secretary in LG Vina Cosmetics company. The job, the salary, the working environment ... everything is good. But I always feel that my study road does not end here. And I always look forward to a new opportunity which I can will help me to develop my ability at a higher level (raise my abilities to a higher level). I have the ambition to create a Korean- Vietnamese dictionary disk. This will help Koreans and Vietnamese study these two languages easier (insteading of using book-formed dictionary dictionaries at present). As the old saying goes: "Easier said than done." I know there are many difficulties in front of me. But in my humble opinion, man proposes, God disposes. I have confidence that things will work out for the best.
    Here are some changes. Please note that I'm not a teacher.
    Mostly I've been focusing on the grammar mistakes (there are still a few).
    I think it would be better to wait for our teachers to check the structure and stylistics, but overall I think it's OK.

  3. #3
    Green salad is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please help me with my essay (even just a bit)

    Thank you sooooo much for your help. If you were here, I would invited you for dinner ^^.

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