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  1. #1
    valflower is offline Newbie
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    Marriage Is the Best Medicine

    i need some help. i'm an university student and i have some problems with writing but i can't understand my gap... i hope that someone can help me!

    the title of my essay:

    Marriage is the best medicine

    From a recent research has emerged that a happy marriage is good for your health and can up to some years of your life. In this context, Professor Robert Kaplan, who led the research, affirmed that a lot of studies had shown that unmarried adults have a higher probability of early death that those who are married.

    Basically, when you are in a relationship there is an element of social connectedness and interaction that prevent the isolation that singles have got. Taking care of someone else and living for another person who loves you, help you to live longer. Also these considerations reduce stress and can aid you deal with problems better. People, who decided to unite their entire life and creating a union with someone else, adopt healthier lifestyles; take a greater interest in each otherís health, contributing to improved wellbeing.

    Being the marriage so healthy, the divorce is consequently a stressful experience, above all for women, as emerged from the study. As the matter of fact, women who divorce are 50 per cent more likely to develop heart disease in later like than those who stay married. The underlying reasons could cause physical and mental problems for a marriage break up are recognized primary into the emotional stress with also the subsequent upheaval of moving house or losing income.

    On the contrary, men appear much more stronger than women. In this context, in the study emerges that they have just little effects on their possibility of developing heart problems. This result has given by the fact that women tend to value and think about themselves more in terms of family relationships, whereas men value themselves first of all in terms of their lifeís work.

    As the director of Family and Youth Concern, Norman Wells, suggests that marriage is more that a simple piece of paper and it brings positive benefits to all the wider society, starting from the couples themselves arriving to children.
    Last edited by valflower; 14-Mar-2010 at 16:38. Reason: cause of my post

  2. #2
    kfredson is offline Senior Member
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    re: Marriage Is the Best Medicine

    Quote Originally Posted by valflower View Post
    i need some help. i'm an university student and i have some problems with writing but i can't understand my gap... i hope that someone can help me!

    the title of my essay:

    Marriage is the best medicine

    From a recent research it has emerged that a happy marriage is good for your health and can up to some add years to your life. In this context, Professor Robert Kaplan, who led the research, affirmed that many studies have shown that unmarried adults have a higher probability of early death than those who are married.

    Basically, when you are in a relationship there is an element of social connectedness and interaction that prevent the isolation that singles have got. Taking care of someone else and living for another person who loves you, helps you to live longer. Also these considerations reduce stress and can aid you in dealing better with problems better. People, who decided to unite their entire life and creating a union with someone else, adopt healthier lifestyles; they take a greater interest in each other’s health, contributing to improved wellbeing.

    Being the marriage being so healthy, the divorce is consequently a stressful experience, above all for women, as emerged from the study. As the a matter of fact, women who divorce are 50 per cent more likely to develop heart disease in later life than those who stay married. The underlying reasons could for a marriage break up can cause physical and mental problems are recognized primary into the is the emotional stress with also the subsequentand upheaval of moving house or losing income.

    On the contrary, men appear much more stronger than women. In this context, in the study It emerges in the study that they have just little effects on their possibility of developing heart problems.(I am not sure what you mean here -- do you mean "it has only a small effect on..."?) This result has given byis due to the fact that women tend to value and think about themselves more in terms of family relationships, whereas men value themselves first of all in terms of their life’s work.

    As the director of Family and Youth Concern, Norman Wells, suggests that marriage is more than a simple piece of paper and it brings positive benefits to all the wider society, starting from the couples themselves arriving to children(I am not sure what this means).
    There are more changes that could be made to improve this, but this may give you a start. I have just focused on some of the major grammatical issues. Perhaps others would like to take it further. I have also removed some commas; I hope it is clear where I have done this.

  3. #3
    1984law's Avatar
    1984law is offline Member
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    Lightbulb re: Marriage Is the Best Medicine

    Quote Originally Posted by valflower View Post
    i need some help. i'm an university student and i have some problems with writing but i can't understand my gap... i hope that someone can help me!

    the title of my essay:

    Marriage is the best medicine

    From a recent research has emerged that a happy marriage is good for your health and can up to some years of your life. In this context, Professor Robert Kaplan, who led the research, affirmed that a lot of studies had shown that unmarried adults have a higher probability of early death that those who are married.

    Basically, when you are in a relationship there is an element of social connectedness and interaction that prevent the isolation that singles have got. Taking care of someone else and living for another person who loves you, help you to live longer. Also these considerations reduce stress and can aid you deal with problems better. People, who decided to unite their entire life and to create a union with someone else, adopt healthier lifestyles; they also take a greater interest in each otherís health, contributing to improved wellbeing.

    Being the marriage so healthy, the divorce is consequently a stressful experience, above all for women, as emerged from the study. As a matter of fact, women who divorce are 50 per cent more likely to develop heart disease in later (what do you mean?) like than those who stay married. The above reasons could cause physical and mental problems for a marriage break up are recognized primary into the emotional stress with also the subsequent upheaval of moving house or losing income.
    Do you mean that the most serious consequences of a divorse are physical and mental problems than the practical issues of moving house and losing part of one's income?
    You have written a complicated and vague phrase.
    On the contrary, men appear much more stronger than women. In this context, in the study emerges that divorce affects them less as far as heart problems. This result was extracted through the fact that women tend to value and think about themselves more in terms of family relationships, whereas men value themselves first of all in terms of their lifeís work.

    As the director of Family and Youth Concern, Norman Wells, suggests that marriage is more that a simple piece of paper and it brings positive benefits to the wider society, starting from the couples themselves arriving to children.
    Pls find an other verb not arrive. Are you writing that a good marriage is beneficial not only for the couple but for their children too?
    Hope I have been helpful

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    re: Marriage Is the Best Medicine

    Quote Originally Posted by valflower View Post
    As the director of Family and Youth Concern, Norman Wells, suggests that marriage is more that a simple piece of paper and it brings positive benefits to all the wider society, starting from the couples themselves arriving to children.
    Try:
    .
    The Director of Family and Youth Concern, Norman Wells, suggests that marriage is more than just a piece of paper and it brings positive benefits to society as a whole.

  5. #5
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Re: Marriage Is the Best Medicine

    Now, valflower, using the suggestions you have received here, post the revised essay in a separate posting.



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