Hi, I know this is not the poetic section; nevertheless I have decided to post my thread in this part of the site because I consider the poem from the point of view of the language, not of the interpretation; I' d like to know if my sentences are correct and some suggestions, if possible form native speakers. thanks.
Rip
I have divided the poem into parts so that the correction can be easier and if someone doesn't want to consider it all can give at least a litte (for me it's big) help..


A VALEDICTION FORBIDDING MOURNING.
by John Donne

AS virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"Now his breath goes," and some say, "No."
So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.


A farewell: complaining is forbidden

In the same way that virtuous men leave without complaint whispering to their souls to go
while some of their sad friends say that they have breathed their last and some others deny that.
(unsomuch that their sad friends donít know for sure if they are dead; some of them think that they are gone while some others say that their still alive since they are dying unobtrusively )
so let us part without grieving, without bursting into tears or sighing
to publicy announce common people our love in such a way would profane our love and ruin our joys (because they donít understand its sacred nature)

Thanks Rip
















So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.