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  1. #1
    ripley is offline Senior Member
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    Default Donne. Please check my comment

    Hi, I'd like to know from a native speaker if there are mistakes in my text ( a comment on a Valediction. Forbidding mourning by the poet J. Donne).
    I need it for Thursday. Thanks a lot

    A farewell: complaining is forbidden

    In the same way that virtuous men leave without complaint whispering to their souls to go while some of their sad friends say that they have breathed their last and some others deny that (unsomuch that their sad friends donít know for sure if they are dead; some of them think that they are gone while some others say that their still alive since they are dying unobtrusively )
    so let us part without grieving, without bursting into tears or sighing;
    to publicy announce common people our love in such a way would profane our love and ruin our joys (because they donít understand its sacred nature)
    Earthquakes cause harms and fears/have harmful consequences.People reckon what they did and meant. On the contrary, the movement of the spheres, though it is a greater event, is harmless. Common peopleís love, dependent of the senses, cannot survive separation because absence removes everything that constitutes it. On the contrary the love we share is so pure unsomuch that we ourselves canít describe it/define it; it is so spiritually strong and noble, that we donít need to worry about missing (THE?) physical contact(is it better to say: sensual pleasures?) it is so spiritually strong that we donít need to fear absence.
    Our souls are one and though I must go, we are not enduring a breach,/ we are not splitting up; on the contrary, we are experiencing an expansion in the same way that gold can be strechted by beating it till it becomes very thin/a foil; Through this expansion of the area of our unified soul there will always be an endless connection between us, no matter how far and how long we will be away from one another. If our souls are separate, they are strongly connected like the feet of a compass; your soul is the fixed foot, and even if it seems to stand still, actually it moves if the other foot does.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Donne. Please check my comment

    Common people’s love- I think this may sound more judgemental than the original- it is the uncommon love that matters, while your phrase suggests that breeding is behind the quality of the love.

  3. #3
    ripley is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Donne. Please check my comment

    Thanks for upr help. What about the language I have used? Are my sentences correct?
    Can you please check the second part of my comment? The thread has the same title with the number 2 (I forgot some sentences!!!!!)
    Please help me....
    Rip

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Donne. Please check my comment

    I am not sure that 'experiencing an expansion' works, even if Donne used the word expansion. How about using expand as a verb?

  5. #5
    ripley is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Donne. Please check my comment

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    I am not sure that 'experiencing an expansion' works, even if Donne used the word expansion. How about using expand as a verb?
    Thanks for your suggestion. What do you think of my comment (part 1 and 2)? are the sentences ok?
    Please let me know..
    Rip

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