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    charli3 is offline Newbie
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    Feb 2010
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    Default Please! Can someone help me correct my narration

    I would really appreciated if you correct my narration "please." I need help on grammar, punctuation, word choice, and no fragments. For instance, subject + verb + complete thought. Also if you have, I need your opinion on my conclusion if I had made my point. Thank you.



    The 6th Grade Camping Trip
    On my 6th grade camping, I learned to cherish and love every moment in life. When we the 6th grade classes were about to leave to go to big bear, I didn’t get a chance to see my mother that day to say goodbye and to her know I loved her. I felt sad when mama had been working that early morning to earn money to pay off the bills. After we had left, I was excited because it was my first camping trip. I didn’t know what to expect. My friend and I were talking about the things we might be doing over on the campsite in Big Bear. For instance, they are going to tell us scary stories around a camp fire or maybe go hiking at night when it’s terrifying. During the trip up to the mountains, it had started to snow fast. I had never seen snow, when we approached a highway patrol station for the vehicles to get their chains installed on the wheels. I asked the teacher “What are the chains for?” Ms. Fontura said “It helps to stay on the road in order for us not to slip away.” Our two buses got them installed. Soon enough, we departed to our destination; meanwhile the bus was making weird noises because of the chains on the tires. Suddenly we approached a slight slated curve high above on the mountain our bus started to slide towards the opposite lane side rail. Everyone was screaming or panicking in the bus. I was so scared and thinking of my mom how much I love her. In the bus looking out the window I saw the rail broke off but we had stop moving because of the rail. When we hit there was fog far beneath the mountain with little speckles of pine tree sticking out. I so shocked what just happen to us and still shaky. Until this day I cherish every moment in life and tell my family I love them every day.
    Last edited by charli3; 24-Mar-2010 at 15:19. Reason: It is for my English class assignment on narration

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