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Thread: student task

  1. #1
    chris1014 Guest

    student task

    I am a student of English translation in Austria. I wanted to ask you if someone could correct one of my tasks or tell me what I could do better. Here it is:

    I am writing you from a wonderful place called ĄLabudalaď. You will surly ask yourself why I left Bangkok where we wanted to meet next week. Well, thatís a weird story but I will try to explain it.
    After 6 days in Bangkok I went to a restaurant where youíd usually met natives only. I really didnít expect to see any tourists in there because most of them would be scared of this kind of restaurant. However, while I was eating I saw an attractive but pretty dirty and exhausted looking young woman who tried to get something to eat for free. She tried everything to persuade the owner of the restaurant but it didnít look like it was going to work. So I decided to help her out because it appeared as if she was in real trouble.
    Then this kind of weird but wonderful odyssey started. She turned out to be a backpacker from the US and she really was in deep water. All her money had been stolen 2 days ago in the elevated train and she was already desperate when I met her. On top of that, she didnít have a place to sleep either because she just wanted to pass through Bangkok and catch the plane to Labudala. This, however, wasnít possible because after her money had been stolen she didnít know how to pay for the ticket. Actually, she didnít even know who to afford something to eat.
    So I decided to pay the ticket and as I was kind of spell bound by her blue sparkling eyes and her long blond hair - even if she looked pretty shabby - I went with her.
    It was also very fascinating how she described this little island in the south of Thailand. When she spoke of it she was all smiles and now I understand why.
    Here are just a few fishing villages and virtually no tourists at all. We sleep in a small thatched hut directly on the beach. Itís just indescribably beautiful. There is a little lake with a tiny waterfall just a 15 minute walk away where we can have a wash and tropical rainforest is all around us. You can pick every fruit you can imagine just behind our little hut. And if we need anything else we take the boat and drive to the next village. Itís so wonderful
    Please come and join us here. I will send you a description how to come to this tremendously gorgeous place. I would really be in a quandary if you didnít want to come.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
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      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan
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    Re: student task

    surly - surely
    usually met natives- meet
    elevated train- overground/monorail??
    know who to afford - how, I'd also change 'afford' to 'pay for'
    spell bound- I'd write this as a single word
    looked pretty shabby- I'd use scruffy for a person and shabby for a house, etc
    Here are just a few fishin- Here, there are
    15 minute- 15-minute

  3. #3
    mr. parchman Guest

    Re: student task

    thanks ... are there any further grammar or idiomatic mistakes or something that I could write in a better way?

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    44,191
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: student task

    There are a couple of cases where the language is fine, but I'm not sure a native speaker would use it:
    I would really be in a quandary if you didnít want to come.
    I don't think I'd use 'quandary' there, but am not sure whether it's just me so I'd like to see what others say.

    youíd usually met natives only

    I'd say 'locals' here, but again I'm not sure if that's my choice.

    blue sparkling eyes- I'd reverse the order of the adjectives.

    I guess this could so with a spot of punctuation:
    attractive but pretty dirty and exhausted looking young woman


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