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  1. #1
    greeny366 is offline Newbie
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    Smile please check my essay

    My topic. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.

    Nowadays money has become one of most important things in our life. People work earn money and spend this money for paying taxes, for expenses and so on. However it does not mean that money is everything for people. Some people think that money is crucial factor that determines does this person successful or not. Other thinks contrary to them. I strongly believe that money have nothing to do with success. Below I would like to illustrate several reasons and examples to support my point of view.
    First and foremost I would like to mention that most important factor that determines success is self satisfaction. People cannot feel themselves successful if they have no satisfaction. Everybody have different ways to reach self satisfaction, some like work and earn a lot of money, other like extreme sport and so on however only people who can find their own path in this life and can reach self satisfaction can be determined as successful people.

    Moreover, it is crucial to indicate that people, who could not find happiness in this life, cannot be successful. Main think in our life is happiness, for instance my friend had a work with high payment, he had huge home, his own car, and I thought that he is successful because he got everything that he want. However when I talked with him I understood that he haven’t one important think and this thing was happiness, he had no one to share this huge home with, he had no family, he was spend most of his time in work and only thing that he need at home was bed and so because of this he did not feel him successful, and drop this job soon.

    On the other hand, each coin has two sides: its worst to point out that there are some situations where my option does not work. Without money people cannot be successful as well. Nowadays money play main role in our life, in order to survive, we need money. We need money to keep our family and so if we could afford to earn enough money to do all of this we will be able to count ourselves prosperous

    Taking into account all reasons and details listed above, I would like to accentuate that money have nothing to do with success first reason most important factor that determine success is self satisfaction, second people who could not find happiness in this life, cannot be successful

  2. #2
    IHIVG's Avatar
    IHIVG is offline Member
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    Default Re: please check my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by greeny366 View Post

    Nowadays money has become one of the most important things in our lives. People work to earn money and spend this money for paying taxes, for expenses and so on. (I would reword this, ‘spend money on taxes, expenses…’ ) However, it does not mean that money is everything for people. Some people think that money is a crucial factor that determines does whether this a person is successful or not. Others thinks contrary to them. I strongly believe that money have has (money is singular) nothing to do with success. Below I would like to illustrate several reasons and examples to support my point of view.
    First and foremost, I would like to mention that the most important factor that determines success is self-satisfaction. People cannot feel themselves successful if they have no satisfaction. Everybody have has different ways to reach self-satisfaction, some like to work and earn a lot of money, others like extreme sports and so on. However, only people who can find their own path in this life and can reach self-satisfaction, can be determined as successful people.

    Moreover, it is crucial to indicate that people, who could not find happiness in this life, cannot be successful. (Since you’re not going to talk about the ‘next life’ I’d suggest that you cross out ‘this’) Main think (goal?) in our life is happiness. For instance, my friend had a work ('job' is a better word here) with high payment. He had a huge home, his own car, and I thought that he is was (you chose to speak in the past tense) successful because he got everything that he wanted. However, when I talked with him I understood that he didn't have haven’t one important thing; and this thing was happiness. He had no one to share this huge home with; he had no family; he was spend spent most of his time in at work.and The only thing that he needed at home was bed, and so because of this, he did not feel himself successful, and dropped this job soon.

    On the other hand, each coin has two sides: its worst to point out that there are some situations where my option does not work. (What does the underlined part mean here? 'The worst side of the coin' or is it a misspelling of 'it's worth to point out…'?) Without money people cannot be successful as well. Nowadays money plays the main role in our lives: in order to survive, we need money. We need money to keep our families and so if we could afford to earn enough money to do all of this, we will be able to count consider ourselves prosperous.

    Taking into account all reasons and details listed above, I would like to accentuate that money have has nothing to do with success.(But you've said the exact opposite just a few sentences above) first reason The most important factor that determines success is self-satisfaction, second as people who could not find happiness in this life, cannot be successful.
    Here are some (mostly grammatical) changes I believe would make your essay read better.

  3. #3
    greeny366 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: please check my essay

    thank you so much
    yep i have some problems with grammar .i will try to avoid such kind of mistakes. Again thank you, you’ve been a great help.

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