Grammar and sentence structure?

[kenzo]

Hi everyone, kindly ask if you can please help me with the following. Below is an excerpt from my essay that I require some assistance with as my teacher advised me to avoid using these types of sentences.

"It is also criticised that the women are not treated equally."

My teacher suggested that I change it to:
"It is also a criticism that the women are not treated equally."

Aprarently it is quite important to master this but I don't understand why?

Would greatly appreciate any help!

 

[tedtmc]

"It is also criticised that the women are not treated equally."

"It is also a criticism that the women are not treated equally."

IMO, the above are wishy-washy kind of sentences.

Who criticised? What is 'it'? These are not clear from the sentences. This is the thing about writing in the passive voice.

I would prefer these -

xxx has criticised that the women are not treated equally.
There has been criticism(s) from xxx that the women are not treated equally.

not a teacher

 

[emsr2d2]

"It is also criticised that the women are not treated equally."

"It is also a criticism that the women are not treated equally."

IMO, the above are wishy-washy kind of sentences.

Who criticised? What is 'it'? These are not clear from the sentences. This is the thing about writing in the passive voice.

I would prefer these -

xxx has criticised that the women are not treated equally.
There has been criticism(s) from xxx that the women are not treated equally.

not a teacher

"To criticise" - you always criticise SOMETHING/SOMEONE, so you need a noun after the verb. You can't "criticise that....."

You can "be critical ...... that....."

XXX has criticised the unequal treatment of women.
XXX has been critical of the fact that women are not treated equally.

 

[tedtmc]

XXX has criticised the unequal treatment of women.
XXX has been critical of the fact that women are not treated equally.

Agree with you on the 'criticize something/someone' part, thanks.
This sentence still works, doesn't it?

There has been criticism(s) from xxx that the women are not treated equally.

 

[emsr2d2]

XXX has criticised the unequal treatment of women.
XXX has been critical of the fact that women are not treated equally.

Agree with you on the 'criticize something/someone' part, thanks.
This sentence still works, doesn't it?

There has been criticism(s) from xxx that the women are not treated equally.

Your final sentence is fine, but criticism will suffice (no plural).

 

[tedtmc]

Criticism can be plural too, can't it?

 

[emsr2d2]

Criticism can be plural too, can't it?

Yes, the plural is criticisms, but we generally refer to "a lot of criticism" as a general, uncountable noun.